Sasunaru - After the Valentine
by Animaid101
Summary: Sasuke and Naruto in an AU of nowadays. They're students and roommates at the university and know each other from childhood on. How will Naruto act after the kissing? Sequel to "The Sweetest Valentine" Rated M for strong language. Sasunaru, BL, light Yaoi. Naruto and all characters out of Naruto copyright Masashi Kishimoto, image copyright Solochely, fanfiction copyright me
1. Chapter 1

As I predicted, Naruto didn't come out of the bathroom before midnight. I heard him stumbling over the floor, falling and swearing with a suppressed voice. This idiot, did he really think I could sleep while he made such a noise? He was as discreet as an elephant herd trampling over me.

"Naruto?", I asked. I heard a startled cough and a sound as if he was sliding under his blankets. I raised my upper body to turn the lights on and spotted a big lump on his bed. He even had covered his head in the blankets. He started to snore loudly, apparently to lead me on.

"Alright, then let's have it your way, idiot.", I muttered. I turned out the lights and tried to sleep. The thought of his possible emotions going on within him right now didn't make it an easy task, but after an hour or so I succeeded.

When I woke up, Naruto was already gone. This was really an item I should mark in the calendar. Normally he was so sleepy, I had to wake him up by a bucket of water, followed by his loud shouts of protest and condemning me to hell. I smirked in reminiscence. Ah, those were the good times...

Since I had no desire for breakfast, I just made me some coffee and then went off to my lectures. For the whole day I didn't see the slightest sign of Naruto.

I started to worry. Maybe I had gone too far this time? Damn, it was all his fault for challenging me like that! But what if he wouldn't come back? Maybe he was looking for another room already?

Naw, Naruto wasn't the anxious type, he'd rather jump down my throat and shout it was all my fault. Unlikely as it was, I kind of missed his twisted logic and loudness. He always managed to get out of inconvenient situations by that, no matter how much he was at fault. So annoying and yet... somehow I admired his ability. It kind of made me smile from the inside.

I sighed. It was no use musing about the reasons for his absence. Sooner or later he'd show up again. I took out my folders and attended to my studies. It worked for a few hours but when Naruto didn't come by at the evening I really got nervous. No way he'd miss dinner...

I made a phone call for Sakura. Like usually she tried to persuade me to go out with her. She didn't say it directly, but women have their ways to express such things subtly. Since I was too polite to directly say no, we beat around the bush for a while, each of us trying to get the upper hand. After a felt hour of agonizing cat and mouse game she finally told me what I wanted to know.  
'No she either hadn't seen Naruto today, but she had heard by Rock Lee that he must have stood in front of the University's bill-board for at least half an hour, properly studying the estate offers.'  
I started to sweat. Was it really possible he was planning to move? Maybe he already was in another guy's room, staying the night...  
I shook off my horrible thoughts and hung up, very much to the displeasure of Sakura, who still tried to keep the conversation going. But I had other problems now than to play the polite guy and feed her silly illusions. Was Naruto really up to abandon me? Would he move out, just because of that... incident?  
No, this was ridiculous. Naruto hadn't the money for another flat, not even when shared. He had a scholarship which barely covered his living. I doubted that anyone else than me would tolerate his permanent pennilessness and inability to pay his part of the rent. Except maybe if it was a pervert who suggested him to 'pay him in kind'... That thought drove me insane.  
I heavily shook my head. Enough with these ludicrous ideas, now! Such a thing was as unlikely as Sakura dating Ino ...and yet it wasn't completely impossible. ARGHH!

My head was killing me after pursuing every absurd possibility what could have happened to Naruto until I finally heard a scratching on the entrance.

Within a split second I was at the door and teared it open.

"Aaaah!" A terrified Naruto jumped back as if I was a beast attacking him. But at the next moment he regained his pose. "You BASTARD! You startled me!"

Though his words were far from friendly, I was relieved to hear his silly voice again.

"Then don't break in like a burglar, usuratonkachi!" Of course I couldn't let him know I had been worried. The normality of our fight restored my confidence.

"I'm not breaking in, I ushed she key!"

Eh? What was that? Did I hear Naruto _mumbling_ just now? I stepped forward and had a close look at him. He warily watched me. "What'sh up, Shashuke-bashtard?"

I sniffed at his breath.

"WHOAH, you stink like a barrel of beer! Did you drink?"

He faltered. "Sho what if I did, huh?" He moved forward and entered the living room still staggering. "It'sh none of your damn bushiness!" He tried to get off his shoes, but failed. "Aw, dang."

I came to his help and grabbed his arm. He slapped me off. "Don't you touch me, damn fag."

"What did you say?" My eyes narrowed.

"FAG, I said, that'sh what you are for kisshing me."

"It was _you_ initiating that, not _me_ , so if anyone's a fag here, it's probably _you_!" I really got angry now. He had no right to call me that. I hadn't done anything he didn't come up with by himself. It had been _his_ fault I let down my guard and crossed the line. Considering me, it had been nothing more but a tease. A very sweet and paradisaical one, and who knows what else would have happened if not for Itachi stomping in on us so crudely, but nevertheless... nothing really grave had happened. Just the exchange of some sweet kisses ...and fumbling...

"You alwaysh turn the wordsh to your favor, teme. I won't talk to you wishout Shikamaru ash attor... attu... mah lawyer, got me?"

I groaned. Of course, only some other smart guy could have got Naruto on that track.

"So you were out with Shikamaru?" I had to remember having a word with him ...or two.

"Shikamaaaru, Shoshii, and maaaaany other friends. Old ones and new onesh."

"New friends? Who?"

"Kehehehe, won't tell." He sat on his bed, his shoes still on and niddle-noddling from one side to another. He really drove me crazy.

"As if you could just make friends so easily." I opposed dryly. "Who paid for your drinks anyway? I don't assume you had any money. Like usual."

"TEME! I can make friendsh everywhere and they ain't ash shtingy ash you are!" Suddenly his face became pale and he started to blow up his cheeks. "Uh, oh, I don't feel so... bleeeergh!"

"Not _here_! Try to get a hold of yourself!" I rushed forward in panic and dragged him to the bathroom before he could spill out more than a handful on the ground. He bent over the toilet and threw up everything he had drunk and probably a lot of other things too. It was really incredible what people were able to stuff into their belly.

"I'm dyyiiiiiiiiiing!", he cried, before he threw up the next torrent of undigested stomach contents.

"That's your own damn fault, usuratonkachi!" I grabbed his hair and kept him from sinking his head too deep into the toilet. This idiot was able to drown in his own vomit, if I just looked away for a second.

After he was done, I washed his face and brought him to bed. This dumbass, he was so wasted he couldn't tell the bed from the floor. But even though he had brought that all upon himself I was a bit worried. I made a tea and forced him to drink it all, along with a glass of water. I didn't want him to die from dehydration. Then I put a bucket beside his bed, just in case...

After he had fallen asleep I tended to the spot on the carpet. I scrubbed like crazy, but the spot still remained visible. So what? I'd just burn that worthless thing and buy a new one.  
Totally sweaty, I fell on my bed. I longed to take a shower, but before I could move a finger I simply slept in.

The next morning I woke up with a sneeze and hurting all over my body. I probably had caught a cold. Sleeping in sweaty and without a blanket isn't quite healthy for the body. Naruto still snored peacefully, so I let him be. I wasn't in the mood to listen to his mournful and loud complains.

I prepared tea and drank a lot of it. Since even toast and tomatoes didn't taste well, I took some medicine and lay down on my bed again. Better one day at home than worsening my cold. I couldn't leave Naruto alone in his poor state anyway. I dozed off and woke up about an hour later by a heavy bump.

"Ouch, owww!"

"Naruto?"

"Duh..."

I looked up. This moron had tried to get up on his own and just fell out of the bed.

"Why didn't you call for me, usuratonkachi?"

"Uh..., not so _loud_...", he groaned.

Considering his painful tone he had the mother of all hangovers. Served him right.

"If you know you're unable to hold your drink, why are you drinking so much?"

"Ah... Sasuke, please... keep down your _voice_."

"Hurts, hm? Well, you deserve it, for calling me a fag yesterday."

"Uuh... _What_?"

"You called me a fag and stingy... among other things."

"I..I can't remember."

"Now didn't that come to you at just the right time?"

"I... I really can't remember a single thing. How did I even get here? Oww." He held his head and crawled back into his bed. "Please, no more scolding, Sasuke, I'll do _anything_." At these words I would have liked to jump him, but this wouldn't have been appropriate, I fear. I sighed, stood up and went to the kitchen.

I prepared tea and toast and forced him to have some before he could take an Aspirin. Since resistance would have hurt him, he didn't put up too much of a fight.

"Now sleep a bit, idiot. This will help you regain your health."

"I'm not sick."

"Hangover is worse than sickness, moron."

"Why are you here, Sasuke? Don't you have lectures to attend?"

"I have, but I caught a cold because of _you_ , so you'll have to endure my presence for the time being."

"Endure...", he muttered. "Wouldn't go that far..."

"Did you say something, dobe?"

"No, not at all." He pulled the blanket over his body by a wide swing and rolled to the side. Finally, he was giving in and obeying my advise.

I felt far better after my little nap and the medicine, so I decided to at least study a bit while Naruto was sleeping.

As always, people can't just let me live in peace, so I wasn't even surprised when it knocked on the door in the late afternoon. Utterly annoyed I opened it and spotted a guy standing in front of me. His hair was black like mine and his skin was so pale I mistook him for a walking corpse at the first moment, but what really made my spine cringe was that fake smile of his.

"Hello, you must be Sasuke-kun. Naruto told me everything about you." He broadened his irritating smile as if it was something very funny.

"So?", I said unfriendly and built myself up that no space was left to slip past me. Didn't want this guy to think he could enter.

"Yes, he said you were a mean bastard and had no manners at all. I'm really happy to meet you."

Now I was pissed. Any possible remorse I could have had about Naruto's reasons for his bender just disappeared into thin air.

"And you are...?" My tone was freezing.

"Oh, sorry, I forgot to introduce myself. My name is Sai, please take good care of me." He bowed politely and now I noticed 2 bags behind him. My eyes widened.

"Excuse me.", I said and slammed the door right into his face when he came up again.

This... _dobe_!

"NARUTO!" My voice almost snapped and could have easily shattered a mountain. This time, I'd definitely _kill_ him.


	2. Chapter 2

"There's a guy standing outside our door with packed bags, referring to you. Do you know anything about this?" I had some difficulties to control my voice. I was too upset. This time Naruto really had gone too far.

He was cowering beside his bed after I rudely had kicked him out of it. Hangover or not, he definitely deserved every punishment I was able to give him right now. He blinked insecurely and apparently tried to get his brain together. Not that he had much of it anyway, that moron.

With a painful look he massaged his forehead and temple but it didn't seem to help him regain his memory about his latest bender.

"His name his _Sai_.", I added with a freezing voice.

Suddenly Naruto's eyes widened. "Ghost-guy? He's really here?"

"Seems a bell has rung."

"So it wasn't all a dream.", Naruto muttered.

"What do you mean, ' _a dream_ '? There's a very real guy standing in front of our door and it seems he wants to move in here."

"Uh, that..."

"Yeah, _that_ , I'm all ears for your explanation."

"Jeez, Sasuke, don't make such a fuss, it's just for a couple of weeks." He tried to stand up, but had to sit on the bed instead, holding his head and grimacing. After the binge he had performed yesterday, one Aspirin wasn't far enough to fully recover his health, of course.

"What do you mean _'a couple of weeks'_?" I made an attempt to grab for his shirt, but he dodged me.

"Stop it, it wasn't my fault!", he cried, curling up into a ball and kicking with his feet in the air to keep me away, this coward. "I just followed the principal's advise to be helpful towards our fellow students."

"So you really invited him in?" I fumed.

"Uhm.. I... think so?" He peeked at me and relaxed a bit when he saw I made no further attempt to attack him. Then he scratched his head and smiled at me as if he still hadn't found all his marbles ...if there ever had been any, that is. "It's somehow foggy. All I remember is, Shikamaru... Choji... Shino... Kiba... and me drinking together... having fun.. ah, and well, this guy joining later somehow... he treated us to some drinks... blabbering a lot... something about being an... exchange student... from abroad or so... having problems with his dorm..."

"And so you _generously_ put him up ...to _our_ room."

"Uhm... seems so?" He still had no clue.

I was near to explode.

"This time you really overdid yourself, idiot!"

"Don't _shout_ , please." He made a painful face and lifted up his hands showing his palms in a smoothing gesture.

"Shout?" I crudely grabbed his arm and pulled him up. "You'll go over there now and explain him _friendly_ , that it all was a misunderstanding. Or I'll do far more to you than just _shout_."

"But that's impossible, he... he..."

"What?" Naruto really got on my nerves. He still hid something and I wanted to know _urgently_ what it was.

"Oi, Sasuke, Naruto, open the door! I can't stand here all night holding the tatami mat.", Shikamaru shouted from outside. My eyes widened in disbelief.

"What the...?" I let go of Naruto and rushed to the door. When I opened it, Shikamaru stared directly into my eyes.

"Naruto didn't tell you, did he?" Bulls eye, this smart ass! I forced myself to show an indifferent look.

"Of course he did. He just left out some _details_. So you'll move in too?" Couldn't admit anything was out of my control here. Not in front of Shikamaru. This guy was sharp and apparently Naruto had told him something about our little _'contest'_.

"Ha-ha, very funny Uchiha. No need to rub it in. I lost the bet and have to help moving now."

Bet? Whatever... at least Naruto hadn't invited in more people. I was slightly relieved.

"So, do you mind...?" Shikamaru stared at me.

"What?"

"...letting us in?" Right, I still blocked the way in contradiction to what I stated seconds before. My body just acted out of instinct, I guess, since I didn't want that suspicious, pale guy to make even one step over my door sill. But I had to play along for the moment, if I didn't want to lose my face. Shikamaru mustered me in his inconspicuous manner while his mind probably worked at full blast, working out theories about what had happened between Naruto and me.

I swung open the door.

"Just help yourself." I turned my back on them and walked towards the living-room as if I couldn't care less what they would do.

"Oi, don't you intend helping?"

"No."

"Really, this guy never changes." Shikamaru sighed and brought in some items. "Annoying like hell. What a drag."

"Sorry for intruding." The white guy rattled down the usual cliché before entering the room with his 2 bags. He still showed his unreal smile as if this was a funny situation. It really pissed me off! Couldn't stand this asshole from the very first moment I saw him.

It was so not Naruto's manner to drink. He sometimes went out with friends, sure, but he never had come home wasted like this. And never before he had brought along another man...

"I'm off again, guys." Shikamaru took his leave. I guess he didn't want to become involved. Smart move, like always. This guy was lazy like hell or at least he made it seem so. Couldn't say I was unhappy about him leaving though I still had to have a word with him.

Naruto staggered out of the bedroom to join us.

"Hey, Shikamaru, where are you going?!", he complained. "Come in and let's have some tea, pal."

"Sorry, but I have a date with a hot babe." Shikamaru turned and winked at us.

"Don't let your girlfriend find out about it.", I said dryly.

"Temari isn't my girlfriend." He shrugged. "We're just study-partners, that's all."

"If you say so..."

"Hey, don't start rumors, Uchiha, you never know who'll be next." He stared at me sharply. Shit, I was so _busted_! But luckily Shikamaru usually wasn't giving a damn about such things and moreover he was discreet... at least I hoped so... I watched Shikamaru's back while he danced away mimicking a tango. I really hoped so...

"Where can I store my things?", the pale guy broke into my thoughts. I noticed Naruto standing beside him and trying to keep his balance, almost touching him.

"How about you store them in your a..."

"AH...Ahahaha!" Naruto cut me off me in panic. "Sasuke means he's so happy to have some other company than me now, he doesn't know what to say. Right, Sasuke?" I snorted scornfully but Naruto just continued his stupid blabbering. As if that would help bettering this absurd situation one bit.

"You're also studying diligently, isn't it so, Sai-kun?" He patted on the eerie guy's shoulder and it seriously made my blood boil. How could Naruto be so oblivious, so trusting? It was like putting his head down a hungry snake's throat.

The pale guy bowed slightly.

"You're too kind, Naruto-kun. I'm just trying to catch up with _you_ best I can."

"Really? Can't be that hard." My tone was dry.

Naruto looked kind of shocked due to my words. If not for our 'guest', he'd surely have started a fight with me. I wished this Sai-guy would just disintegrate.

"What are you studying anyway, _Sai-kun_? Naruto..." I glared at him, "... _forgot_ to tell me."

"I'm having the pleasure of studying art on this University."

" _Art_?" This was quite a surprise. I studied business, Naruto political science, Shikamaru law, Choji agriculture and Kiba... well, he was _Kiba_..., Naruto and I knew him from ever since. So we all more or less met via business lectures as crossover. How come this white-skinned freak got in contact with the bunch?

"That a job you can built a future on?" I tried to sound as rudely as I could. Maybe he'd give up then on the idea of moving in and instead took his leave. Naruto stared at me in despair.

"I hope so." Pale guy wasn't so easily to scare off, it seemed. He put up his fake smile again. "Beside that, I'm attending business lectures to work out proper marketing strategies."

Aha, there it was, the missing link. Funny I never before got aware of that creep.

"I see." Yes, indeed, suddenly everything made sense. These secret gazes he sometimes shot at Naruto, when he thought he was unwatched, his faked over-politeness, his invisibility... he must have planned that coup all along, waiting for a proper moment to strike. I grit my teeth. Don't think you'll have any chance, bastard! I won't let Naruto out of my eyes ...or _you_.

"At least you'll have the pleasure to experience the term 'bankrupt' in real life then." I smiled.

"Oh, how funny, Sasuke-kun, I just thought this may possibly happen to _all_ of us." He hadn't lost a second to counter.

"Just speak for yourself, _loser_." Narrowing my eyes, I moved a step forward towards him.

"AHAHAHA!" Naruto let out a cramped laughter and placed himself between us. "Sasuke's joking, _joking_! Why don't we just forget about the honorifics, guys? You can call me Naruto and I'll call you Sai, ok?"

"You're too kind, Naruto." The guy smiled at him and then looked at me in curious expectation.

"As I said, just speak for yourselves, losers."

"Sasuke! That's no way to welcome our guest. Show some manners." He tended to the creep.

"Don't listen to Sasuke, it's just the bliss of the moment he can't digest."

Digest, that's right, how much I'd like to gorge that unhealthily looking guy in one piece and digest him to the pile of shit he really was. Seriously, this poor imitation of a vampire evoked the worst in me. I didn't trust this guy one bit.

"Come on, Sai, _**I**_ 'll show you where you can store some of your stuff." Naruto tried to calm the waves and pulled the white-skinned freak away to the closet in our bedroom. I followed them.

"I think, if I just take out some of my old clothes I don't wear anymore, you can store your own here.", Naruto blabbered on, fumbling the clothes in the closet while I watched everything warily.

"Don't touch my things, dobe!" I reminded him.

"Dobe? What does that mean?" The white guy really seemed to be from abroad. At least _this_ part of his story wasn't made up.

"Ah, it's another term for...uhm, erh... being part of the number one students." While Sai was still curiously inspecting the closet, Naruto poked his tongue out at me. I raised an eyebrow and my fist, so he flinched and swiftly turned away. Sai looked up.

"Oh, that's marvelous, Naruto. I admire your sense of hard work. In that case, I can call Sasuke-kun dobe too, right?" Again that eerie smile. He did that on purpose!

"Don't you dare!" I was about to pulverize this white abomination and throw his remains into the sea. Not that there would be too many parts left after I was done with him.

"Ah, I have an idea!" Naruto panicked. "Why don't you just leave your things here and go eat some ramen, Sai? My treat. Meanwhile Sasuke and I can discuss which things we'll sort out of our wardrobe to create some space for you." Naruto dragged a very unwillingly seeming Sai to the door while I prepared internally for our little 'discussion'.

"But I...", the freak tried to protest.

"No, no, it's really no problem." Naruto put up a broad smile showing all his teeth. "Just tell Teuchi-san to add it to my bill, ok?"

"You're not coming with me?"

"No, no, I have to discuss this properly with Sasuke, sorry!"

Naruto shoved the creep outside and threw the door right into his disappointed face which I noticed with satisfaction.

"Sooo... I think we have to sort out some more things than just clothes, Naruto- _kun_."

He looked at me anxiously and I couldn't wait to lambast him. Yes, now that we finally were alone, I definitely wanted to do cruel things to him...


	3. Chapter 3

"AAAAHHHH, SASUKEEH! Stop it, it _hurts_!", Naruto cried in agony.

"Oh, yeah?" I panted and sweat drops appeared on my forehead. "Well, guess what? It's _supposed_ to hurt you, usuratonkachi."

"NOOOOO! Stop it! You're so cruel!" He tried to kick me, but it was pointless in his current position.

"Cruel? I'll show you cruel!" I doubled my efforts and he squirmed. My hips already started to ache, but the satisfaction I gained out of my reckless doing was totally worth it and let me blend out everything else in this moment.

"AH, NO! That's unfair, you're attacking me like this while I'm still weak."

I panted heavily. "It's your own fault, dobe! For bringing in strangers. Now take it like a man!"

"Sai isn't a stranger, he's a... a..."

"...a booze buddy? Seriously, Naruto, that's even worse!" I changed my position to get him better and make the contact with his body even more intense than it already was.

"Ouch, oww! My poor butt! No, stoooop!" I heard his voice like from afar. My anger was too big to really care about his complains. He had dared to say _his_ name in my presence. _Sai_. I couldn't stop myself and was moving like crazy.

"Aah, ah! Seriously Sasuke, stop kicking me now! It hurts!"

"I'll stop kicking you the moment you'll come out from under the bed and tell me the truth, dobe!" I shoved another powerful kick under the bed and hit something soft.

"OW! My butt!" Fine. Strike! So the pain of lying down on the floor in order to reach him hadn't been in vain.

"Why do you bring in strangers?", I panted out. " Are you afraid of sharing a room alone with me all of a sudden?" I tried to land another kick on him, but apparently he had crawled out on the other side of the bed. I jumped up and scanned the room. There he sat, leaning pale against the wall cornered between bed and nightstand. He raised his hands and feet in defense as soon as he spotted me.

"Don't kick me any more, teme! I mean it!", he shouted.

I slowly rounded the bed, like a panther on the hunt, knowing the prey couldn't escape anymore.

"Stop there or I'll,... I'll..."

"WHAT?" I built myself up in front of him. "Scream me to death? This only works in movies, dobe. B-movies, to be precise. But that's exactly your cheap style, isn't it?"

"D..don't touch me, you ass!" His intimidation was as weak as his body. But his trap was still too big.

I grabbed him crudely and pulled him up. "I'll touch you all I want, idiot!"

He flinched and closed his eyes, waiting for his inevitable punishment to come upon him.

As close as I was now, I felt his body heat and almost the pounding of his heart. I pushed him on the bed. He put an arm before his face. I growled.

"Now tell me everything that happened yesterday and don't you dare leaving out a thing. I already know you were studying the estate offers. Did you intend to move, usuratonkachi?"

Naruto slowly removed his arm and blinked at me. "How do you know... uh, I mean, I..."

I grabbed him again and brought my face near to his. "Denying is pointless, dobe!", I hissed. "So tell me the truth!"

His eyes opened widely and I let him go. He fell back onto the bed. After a short moment Naruto rearranged himself into a sitting position, stared downward and drew figures on the blanket by his fingers. This idiot was really annoying.

"Talk!" I said without any tolerance in my voice.

"I.. I was just looking for a job, actually. But... there were so many requests about a room on the black board. The principal had also announced a notification there that the west dorm was under reconstruction, so we should help out our fellow students, if possible. I... I didn't think so much, just took with me some of the stubs with the phone numbers to think about it later or maybe spread the news..." He peeked at me, but swiftly turned down his head again. The blanket and his experimental finger artwork seemed to be more interesting and less intimidating than my fuming face.

"Go on, dobe."

"I met with Kiba and the others and we drank a bit. I told them of the requests... we joked about it, imagining which type these people could be and then..."

"Then...?"

"I guess we had a bit too much booze and so this idea was born..."

"Which idea?" I grew impatient. Gods, why didn't this idiot tell me everything in one go?

"A phone prank.", he murmured. "We decided to call the people, offer to take them in to a luxurious flat and ...and then...", his voice was getting more and more silent, "...fake a malfunction and hang up."

There was a moment of dead silence. I stood there, frozen, and tried to digest his words properly.

His words ...and the implied information.

"Naruto, of all the stupid pranks you ever came up with... this is definitely the crudest, silliest and most abominable idea of all times, you IDIOT!" I kicked him and also let my fists act freely.

"AAAAH, nooo, don't hit me! Stoooop! You promised!" He put up his arms and feet in defense, I couldn't land a proper hit, so I stopped it. I was kind of exhausted anyway. Chasing him through the whole flat and finally trying to drive him out from under the bed was enough workout for today. I wiped away the sweat from my face and stared him down instead.

"Go on." I groaned. "I bet this isn't all of the story."

"Well, it wasn't my idea alone.", Naruto pouted. He looked like a toddler this way and I really was tempted to beat him again. "Kiba and the others also did their share and dragged me to do it."

"That's no excuse, moron!"

"I know, ...I know. We were drunk, that's why..." Naruto looked down ashamed. "However, it was a bad idea..." He meant it. Naruto never had been really mean in his pranks before. Was it maybe bad influence of one of the others? If so, then Kiba was my number-one-suspect, he always became kind of mean when drunk, mostly towards women.

"...at first it was all fun. We chose this guy from abroad, hoping he wouldn't understand so much and he really was a bit dumb-minded ...or so it seemed..." Naruto doodled another modern artwork into the blanket.

"What happened?"

"I hung up."

"And...?" Naruto really stressed my nerves.

"Uhm, a... a.. minute later the guy called me back. I had forgotten to suppress my phone number."

I closed my eyes in inner pain.

"Naruto, you... stupid... no, you... moron... you... you..."

"I wasn't that dumb!", he yelled. "I pretended he'd got the wrong number and hung up again, but..."

"But...?"

"Ehehe," He scratched his head and smiled sheepishly, "...it came out he had a tracking app on his phone and so he suddenly showed up at the bar, locating me via my GPS signal."

I face palmed. "Naruto..."

"Though it was kind of embarrassing first, he apparently believed in a technical error and behaved really polite towards me. He even spent us some drinks. So he couldn't be that bad a guy." Naruto showed a dumb, happy smile.

"Naruto... you... you..." My face grew red of anger and I snapped for air. "There even isn't a word existing in the vocabulary to describe your grade of stupidity!"

"Hey, even Shikamaru didn't think about that tracking possibility!" Naruto shouted in defense. "He was so sure about our perfect plan he even placed a bet."

"Bet?" I perked my ears.

"Uhm, yeah, he said if anyone we call would find out, he'd personally carry that guy's items to the room of the one busted. I had the honor of the first call because I kind of initiated the idea." He looked proud.

"You idiot, this wasn't an honor. They just looked for someone dumb enough to make the first move and play the scapegoat if anything went wrong and so it did."

"N..no, that... that..." Naruto looked shocked and insecure like a child losing his faith into Santa Clause and all the other fairy tales he believed in.

I sighed and tried to calm down again. At least now everything was clear. I took a deep breath before I spoke.

"Seems you were all wasted. Nevertheless I'm not the one standing in for your stupid actions. You'll tell that pale guy it was a misunderstanding and send him off."

"Ah, no, I can't do that because... uhm..."

I stared at him. "Because of what?"

"Hehehe, you see we all drank a lot and when Sai joined us, we already were broke... no one had cash anymore and if not for ghost-guy paying the drinks..."

"He spent you a few drinks, so what? His loss." I crossed my arms. If that imitation of a walking dead was so dumb to trust some drunkards, it was his own fault. Not my problem.

"Uh... well... that's not all of it... I fear..."

I narrowed my eyes. "Don't tell me..."

Naruto scratched his head. "Th..that's the part where it really gets blurry, but I think I..."

"Naruto..."

"...signed something?"

"You idiot! You made a _contract_?"

"Th..this guy brought it along..."

Figures. That sly white snake.

"Where is the contract?"

"I think Sai has it."

"He didn't give you a copy?"

"Uh, ...I..I don't remember." Naruto scratched his head and from his looks I could easily tell that he was thinking hard. Suddenly his eyes popped wide open and his face seemed to lighten. "OH!"

I impatiently waited for his explanation.

"I think I know where I have it!" He jumped from the bed and ran to the wardrobe. He pulled out everything and threw it carelessly behind him. I watched him do for a while until it got too much.

"Oi, dobe, don't make such a mess!"

"Sasuke, where have you put my pants?", he squealed. His voice was accusing and nagging as if it was my fault he had been so drunk that he couldn't care for himself anymore yesterday.

"What do you think I did after you spilled all your drinks backwards tainting them and everything else in the room?"

"Don't tell me you washed them?" His eyes showed panic.

"Don't make me laugh, dobe. Your junk, your wash." I looked at him in my best arrogant way. "Besides, _I_ would have been so farseeing to check the pockets before throwing them into the washer, unlike _you,_ who regularly uses to wash away all of your allowance."

Naruto blushed. "Just once and it wasn't on purpose, alright?" His voice was loud.

"Tsk, that goes for itself. You don't have to proclaim it as an exceptional achievement. Doing such a thing on _purpose_ would even surpass your own record of dumbness."

"Teme! Just tell me where my pants are!"

"They're in the wash basket, of course."

Naruto immediately ran into the kitchen.

"Oi, dumbass, tidy up your pile of rags first!"

"Bite me, teme!"

That guy...

I followed him to the kitchen where he made the same mess as in the bedroom, just this time ravaging the wash basket instead of the wardrobe.

"Don't expect me to clean up after you, dobe.", I said dryly.

"Ah, just shut it, asshole!" Naruto fumbled everything hectically before he halted all of a sudden. He took out a round mass of scrambled paper, stained, partly wet and of questionable origin. He happily presented it to me. "Here it is." A broad smile appeared on his face.

I didn't move a finger, just stared at that obnoxious item.

"Are you fucking kidding me, moron?"

"Eh? No, it's the contract, really. I... uhm, spilled some booze on it, I guess, it was a bit cramped in the bar, yesterday, hehehe."

"And then you screwed it up to play basket ball with your pocket as goal, I guess."

"Hey, no reason to make fun of me! I found it, didn't I?"

I sighed and took out some barbecue tongs of one of the drawers. I sprawled them out and nodded.

"Ok, hand it over."

"Huh? What are you doing, Sasuke?"

"Tse, did you really expect me to touch that?"

"Don't be so picky, asshole! I thought it was such an important item?"

"It _is_ , but knowing your affinity for pranks, I doubt it's the real thing and I won't touch anything with my hands before I've made sure it's not contaminated."

He looked at me in bewilderment.

"How can you make jokes when I'm giving it my all to get us out of this situation?"

" _Us_? What do you mean by ' _us',_ white man?(1) _You_ made this mistake. As far as I'm concerned this guy doesn't even exist."

"But it's _our_ flat, so like it or not, you'll come to face him every day from now on, if you don't find a gap in this... uhm, agreement."

I grabbed the dirty paper-ball with the barbecue tongs. "That's not an agreement, it's a contract. There's a grave difference by law between these two. _And_ you should have given your all to prevent such a predicament, in the first place. Now it's too late to whine, usuratonkachi."

I was remarkably calm, considering the circumstances. Letting out my anger on Naruto in a physical way always used to have a smoothing effect on me. Now my superior Uchiha-senses finally kicked in and I tried to master the situation by my mind.

I unfolded the paper with the help of the tongs and my foot. It really seemed to be the contract. That white guy was a sneaky little critter, I had to give him that.

"Seriously, Naruto, you should treat important documents in a better way.", I scolded him. "I almost can't read a thing."

"Maybe you should put on your glasses, teme."

"I have no glasses, idiot. And even if I had, it wouldn't be because of my eyesight, but because of all the stains and folds on the paper, not to speak of the wet... substance."

"I was _drunk_ , _ok_?" Naruto scowled. "We all thought it was just a joke. Which guy would seriously bring a contract for a sleepover?"

"A clever guy, I'd say. More so that it's for longer than just a night." I looked up. "6 months, if I see that right, do I?" My voice trembled. "Didn't you say before it's just for a few weeks?"

"Ehm, erh... how should I know? I was _drunk_." The wish to strangle Naruto came up in me.

"That's no excuse, usuratonkachi! Don't sign anything when drunk or mentally disabled, that's common sense, moron!"

"How should a person know that when their head isn't working? You're just letting it out on me. Like always."

"Naruto..." My face darkened, but even that didn't stop his flood of words.

"Seems that even the _clever_ Uchiha didn't find a loophole in the contract. Could it be that ghost-guy.. erh, Sai is cleverer than you?" He put up a daring face.

"As if." I growled. "Here it is: As long as no money was handed over, the contract can be withdrawn by both sides within 2 weeks." I glanced at him in triumph. Wait, why did the dobe fidget right now?

"Naruto, you didn't..." I closed my eyes. "You already took money from that guy, didn't you?"

"Wh..why do you say that?", he stuttered and had that certain expression on his face I already knew. He wore it whenever he had done something silly and tried to hide it afterward.

"Because I _know_ you. You're always broke and always doing the _stupidest_ of things to gain some money, dobe! I bet you didn't take the stubs out of altruistic motives. You saw the people offering money for their share of the rent, right?"

For a moment he guiltily looked down on the floor. I snorted scornfully.

"As expected."

However, my words had an effect on Naruto I _didn't_ expect. He clenched his fists and his face looked like blown up hard. He had regained his self-confidence pretty fast and started to yell at me.

"It's not _my_ fault I'm not as rich as _you_ are. It's all your family's fortune anyway! You didn't do a thing to gain it."

"So what? At least I'm not an annoying freeloader like you are."

"I'm not a freeloader, I've got a scholarship."

"Apparently it's not enough to afford this room."

"I'm paying my part every month, don't I?"

"Yeah, but what did I have to endure due to that? One month you're waking me up at 3 AM on a daily base to deliver newspapers and the other you're making this flat an animal shelter. And now... you're taking in a _guy_. It's enough, I don't tolerate your idiocies anymore, usuratonkachi!"

"So what should I do, move out? Fine, I'll do it, then you can have all this big space for yourself and live happily ever after, alone!"

"As if you could do that." My heart pounded anxiously, but I kept on playing cool. "I'm not lucky enough to see that happening. Who ever would take in a guy like _you_? You're a walking catastrophe!"

"Ass!"

"Idiot!"

We angrily glared at each other for a moment. I opened my mouth to add something mean, but a knock at the door stopped me.

"Naruto? I'm finished with eating, thank you for the treat. Ah, and Teiuchi-san said you should come over _immediately_ to have a word with him, by the way. Could you now please open the door? You forgot to give me a spare key."

We stared at each other. Sai was back.

 _(1)Quote referring to a popular 'Lone Ranger' joke:_

 _Lone Ranger and his Indian long term companion Tonto became trapped in a canyon surrounded by a tribe of hostile Indians. Every way to escape was blocked. So Lone Ranger said to his friend: "That's quite a fine mess, we're in. Any idea how we could get out of this, Tonto?"_

" _What do you mean by 'we', white man?"_


	4. Chapter 4

Naruto let his head bump down on the table and groaned.

"Maa-an, this had been a hell of a week! First I lost my halftime job at Ichiraku's, then a horrible Valentine's day and when I finally had a good idea to better my income, that bastard Sasuke totally refused his help."

Choji munched on his chips. He held out the open package.

"You sure you don't want any? They help pretty well against frustration."

Naruto scowled. "Naww, thanks, but as long as it's no money, I don't need it." He sat up and peered at the door. "When, did you say, Shikamaru will be here?"

"No idea."

"Ah, that's right, I remember." Naruto tapped with his fingers on the table and peeked at the chips. "What flavor are they?"

Choji took another big grab into the package.

"They were barbecue", munch, munch, "but now they're gone." He showed the empty package to a totally baffled Naruto.

"Choji, you backstabber! You ate them up right before my eyes?"

"You said you didn't want them." Choji shrugged. "Your loss, my win."

Naruto fumed. "You're the worst friend ever!"

"That's because you're not my friend, just an acquaintance." He moved over to the fridge and opened it. "You want a coke?"

"Yeah, give me one before you drink it all by yourself."

"We have 12 bottles stored."

"That's no guarantee I get one, considering it's _you_."

Choji chuckled. "You're really funny Naruto."

"Hmpf. Just give me one."

Choji put the bottle in front of Naruto.

"You're getting along with your new roommate?"

Naruto's face darkened. "That's why I'm here. It doesn't work at all. Well, it would, if not for Sasuke. This bastard! He never heard of sharing."

"He's rich." Choji took a deep pull on the bottle. "Rich people don't know how to behave properly." He burped loudly.

"Yeah, unlike you." Naruto laughed and slapped on Choji's shoulder. "Man, it's so good to be among normal people, at least once in a while."

Choji grinned. "We have more coke."

"Now, that's a good idea, let's make a burping contest until Shika arrives!" Naruto took a deep gulp himself and tried to surpass Choji's pitch.

"Hahaha, not even close! You don't have the stomach for it. Watch!" Choji emptied the bottle in one gulp and produced a burp which let the walls vibrate. They both laughed like crazy.

"That was a good one man, respect! But I'm not beaten yet, just watch me do!", Naruto proclaimed. He also took the rest of his bottle in one gulp. Suddenly Shikamaru appeared in the midst of them.

"What are you guys..."

Naruto snorted all the coke in one go ...all over Shikamaru.

"...doing?" Shikamaru silently looked down at himself. He was soaked in the brown, sugared fluid, dripping from his face and leaving sticky stains on the floor. "Ok, I'm in the bathroom." He turned and headed to the small chamber.

"Nooo, Shikaaaa, WAIT!" But he was already off. Desperately Naruto bumped against the door. "I have to talk to you, Shika!"

"Gee, Naruto you're such a drag! Just go home." Naruto heard water running.

"How can you take a shower while your friend is suffering so much?"

"Did Choji eat too much from the roasted pork again?"

"Not Choji, it's _me,_ who's suffering!"

"We're just acquaintances."

"Why does everybody say that?" Naruto widened his eyes in disbelief.

"Probably because you're a drag."

"Stop joking, Shikamaru! I need your help."

"And I need help with the soap, just wait your turn."

"You're so cruel." Scowling, Naruto went back to the kitchen.

Choji meanwhile had opened another bottle of coke.

"You want to go on?", he asked hopefully. "The last one didn't count, I guess."

"No, forget it, I'll just wait." Naruto sat down.

"That was a funny stunt, Naruto.", Choji giggled. "I never before saw Shika pissed like that."

"I don't want to talk about it, ok?"

"Ok. No reason to fume. I just wanted to be friendly."

"We're no friends, we're just acquaintances. You said it yourself."

They stared at the walls. Embarrassing silence stood between them.

Choji raised. "I think, I'll go look for some other fun then." He went over to the bathroom.

"I'll go over to Ino's now.", he shouted through the closed door.

"You still haven't given up on her?" Shikamaru's stifled voice came out of the bathroom.

"Are you kidding? She totally has the hots for me. She just doesn't know it yet."

"You stalker."

"Hehehe, wish me luck!"

"You don't need luck, you have me."

"Whatever, I'm going now." Choji smirked, turned towards Naruto and held up his thumb. "Wish me luck, Naruto."

"Yeah, fine. Good riddance, just everyone of you leave me alone in my trouble..."

The door clapped. "You'll see what you get, once when you'll need _my_ help...", Naruto shouted after Choji, but he was already gone. "Damn shirker.", he mumbled.

After 5 minutes Shikamaru came out of the shower, wearing one towel around his hips and another one around his head. A corner of the second towel hung down over a part of his face.

"Hahaha, now you almost look like Kakashi-sensei. Shika!", Naruto laughed.

"Yeah, very funny. What's exactly your problem, Naruto?"

"It's about Sasuke."

"Oh, what a surprise! Can't you two just let have a go at it and live happily ever after?"

"Eh? What do you mean, Shikamaru?" Naruto looked up to him in absolute innocence.

"Just forget it." Shikamaru sighed and sat down at the table. "So what is it this time? But please hurry, I don't want to catch a cold."

"It's about our new roommate, Sai."

"Wait. In that case, I'll dress first." Shikamaru raised and headed to the bedroom.

"Hey, you can't just run away, now that I barely have begun."

Shikamaru came back wearing his Yukata.

"What are you complaining about, Naruto? This just took me a few seconds while you'll probably take the whole evening for telling me your story. You want me to get sick?"

"I can make it short." Naruto grumbled.

"You mean the same sort of 'short', when you told me about your two 'friends' having a kissing contest?"

"Tha..that was totally different... It wasn't about Sas... errh, I mean... it was a problem about two close friends I have. That's different." Naruto's face blushed heavily.

"Sure. Whatever you say, Naruto."

"What do you mean? You don't believe me?" Naruto jumped up in anger.

"Calm down, pal. Of course I believe you. Why should you lie? Besides, just look at me as your personal attorney at law."

"O..ok, then." Naruto sat down again and Shikamaru mustered him.

"So what's it all about this time?"

"He's such a bastard!"

"I guess by 'he' you mean Sasuke."

"Who else? He's the most arrogant and sadistic egotist who ever walked this earth."

"Apart from the well-known main charge, do you have anything special you want to accuse him of, because if not, I..." Shikamaru got ready to raise.

"It's about the new roommate."

"Oh." Shikamaru sat down again. "Sai? Did he behave oddly?"

"Eh? No, ghost-guy's ok."

"Really?" Shikamaru imperceptibly raised his eyebrows a bit.

"Sure, he's always polite, pays for the food and even carries the bags when we go shopping."

"You sure you're not newly-weds?"

"What? Don't make fun of me, Shika. It's serious." Naruto angrily bumped his fist on the table.

"So what's the problem then?"

"Sasuke."

"You'd mind to specify that?"

"Everything would be fine, if Sasuke just learned to share a bit. But this bastard neither allows us bathing together nor was he smitten by the idea of ghost-guy and me using his big, luxurious bed."

"Wait... what did you just say?" Shikamaru blinked.

"Ah, that sounded a bit weird, didn't it?" Naruto scratched his head and smiled dumbly. "I have to tell everything from the start, then, I guess."

"I guess you have to. Though it's really a drag." But in spite of his words and indifferent expression Shikamaru was kind of interested this time. In fact he was all ears...


	5. Chapter 5

Sasuke didn't look so well. Two days ago that annoying intruder Sai had moved in, two days and nights without any sleep for Sasuke. Moreover it meant 48 hours without any moment of rest. He had to keep his eyes glued to Naruto or else this dumbass would inevitably maneuver himself into a more than unpleasant situation with Sai, oblivious as he was. There already had been some awkward situations lately when Sasuke had to jump in and prevent the worst.

All this stress was visibly taking its contribution on Sasuke's body. He was used of working through the nights studying from time to time, but this was different. The situation was completely out of hand and the stress of not being able to guard Naruto 24/7 ate away on his nerves.

Just half an hour ago the idiot had run away with unknown distinction after they've had another heavy argument. They used to fight on a regular base now whenever Sai was absent.

The current situation was pure agony for Sasuke. He used to control everything in Naruto's life, without the dobe knowing about it, of course. And now ...the incertitude of Naruto's whereabouts was driving him insane.

Nervously, Sasuke walked up and down the corridor. Crossing the big mirror he suddenly stopped. What was that? For a moment he had thought to catch the image of a stranger in the corner of his eye. He took a closer look to the mirror and got aware that it had been just a reflection of himself he hadn't recognized. No wonder, the bent down figure moving so slowly reminded him more of an old man than himself. He took a scrutiny at his face. The deep lines below his eyes made him almost look like Itachi. Great! Just what he needed to built up his moral. He was so tired he could sleep where he stood. His eyelids were giving in to gravity for a second and shut down. He shook his head and forced them open.

I need more coke, coffee or whatever makes me stay awake. , he thought.

After a short but fierce fight with himself he finally decided to go over to Sakura. She studied medicine, so she'd probably have some stimulants stored in her room.

He went over and knocked at her door. "Sakura-chan? It's me...Sas..." The door was torn open immediately, he hadn't even heard her running.

"Welcome, Sasuke-kun! I'm so happy you..." She stopped in midst of her sentence and stared at him in bewilderment. "Wh...what happened? Did you get mugged?"

He smiled mildly. "No, I just need your help in staying awake."

"Oh?" Her face expressed thousands of possibilities she thought of and none of them were right. "But I'm not _that_ kind of girl.", she giggled with a flattered smile, signalizing by her body-language the complete opposite.

"Not by _that_ kind of means.", Sasuke stated annoyed. I just knew this was a mistake, why did I go over here? Then he noticed a pale figure entering the hallway like a ghost. Right. Because of _Sai_. The mere reminding of his name made him furious, but he controlled himself and gave the pale guy an indifferent gaze when he approached.

Sai passed Sasuke and Sakura, greeting them friendly, before he headed towards the apartment. Sakura looked surprised. "So this is your new roommate? He resembles you a lot, Sasuke-kun. Not right now, but... errh, I mean considering you're not in the best condition at the moment, right?"

Sasuke forced himself to a polite smile towards Sakura. "Maybe, but it's in order to pursue an important project. _The Coherence of Overworking and Insomnia_."

"Oh, I've never heard of such a project." Sakura's face showed weak signs of wariness.

"Well, it's a secret project. I plan to base my master's degree on this work. Please don't tell anybody."

"Of course not, Sasuke-kun. Come in and tell me more about it, please!"

Motionless Sasuke stayed where he was. "I fear that wouldn't be appropriate, Sakura-chan. A man with a young and beautiful woman alone in her apartment... I don't want people to spread silly rumors about you ...or me."

"Ah, I totally forgot since you're such a close friend." She blushed heavily. "You're absolutely right, Sasuke-kun. How dumb of me."

That's another term for I've tried but failed, I guess.

"No problem, my dear. Could you maybe help me out by some medical means?"

"Oh, I don't know, Sasuke-kun. I don't think it's allowed. I'd risk a lot, if I gave you something of my samples, you know..." She looked at him hesitatingly with wide opened eyes, appearing a bit shy. Faked shyness of course, he had seen her acting bossy around Naruto long enough to know about her true nature. That certain look was the same as telling him if he went out with her she'd be willing to give him everything he wanted and even more. He sighed.

"I understand. Sorry, I didn't want to bother you. I should go ask Karin, as your senpai, she's..."

"WAIT!" Sakura rushed into her room. After a minute of rummaging, she came back with a package of pills.

"Just one a day and not for longer than a week.", she said with a serious tone in her voice. "If you take more, they may damage your circular system. Did you understand me?"

"Sure." He grabbed the package. "Thank you, Sakura-chan." And off he was.

"Hey!", she cat-called at him disappointed. He simply ignored her.

First thing he had to do was finding out where Naruto was.

Before he pulled the doorknob he gulped down 3 of the pills and stretched his back. To hell with Sakura's advises, he had to win that battle against Sai and kick the intruder out, no matter what. Besides... nobody tried to steal away what was his and lived to tell about it. With a dark face he entered his room.

"Welcome back, Sasuke-kun!" Sai greeted him with his fake smile like usual and like usual it made Sasuke cringe.

"Hn."

"Where is Naruto, if I may ask?"

So he didn't know, either, fine.

"Not of your interest."

"But I wanted to treat him to Ramen."

"Don't spoil the idiot or else he'll think he's special to you."

"Oh, but he is," Sai smiled. "He kept me from homelessness."

"Don't talk like a drama-queen. If you're able to treat him daily, you also can afford to sleep in a hotel."

"But I like to spend my money in a useful way." Creepy smile again. "And Naruto seems to enjoy it so much when we're together like this."

Sasuke stared at Sai. Thinking properly about it, this was the first time they were alone since he moved in. Naruto couldn't intervene, so it was a good opportunity of killing the guy and burying him in the gardener's club ground afterward. Tempting idea indeed...

"Listen, buddy.", Sasuke said instead. "I know what you're up to and I won't tolerate it."

"Oh? Then you apparently know more than me, Sasuke-kun."

"Don't play dumb. If I see you approaching him again in any inappropriate manner, you're out of here, contract or not."

"And what about _your_ inappropriate approaches, Sasuke-kun?"

"What do you mean?" Sasuke narrowed his eyes.

"I know about the... uhm, _unusual_ contest you had on Valentine's day."

Sasuke swore internally. This unbelievable idiot Naruto, did he have to tell _everyone_?

"I don't know what you're talking about." Sasuke's tone was cold.

"Sure, sure. Let's just forget about it and live together in peace." Sai smiled happily.

That creep!

"You want to imply anything?" Maybe killing him wasn't such a bad idea after all.

"I'd never dare to." False smile. "I'm sure it's a misunderstanding. Same as you probably misunderstood my intentions. I just want to be friends with Naruto."

Yeah, friends with benefits! But I won't let you, zombie-boy.

"So you'd be willing to die for him?" First time in their conversation that Sasuke smiled and it was a lot creepier than Sai's smile ever could be.

"Haha, what are you saying? Why should I die?"

"Because...", Sasuke approached Sai so that they stood face to face, "...I'll make sure that you die, if you ever cross the line."

Sai smiled. "It seems you have more of a drama-queen than me, Sasuke-kun."

"Unlike Naruto, I don't make false promises."

"Unlike Naruto, you're not of my interest."

The Uchiha was near explosion, but he kept dead-calm on the outside.

"Just give it a try, jerk, and you're dead meat."

"Don't underestimate me, Sasuke-kun. I'm not as helpless as I may appear."

"I figured out so much. Who else would sleep with a rod under their pillow?"

"Oh, are you secretly fumbling my bed, Sasuke-kun? I feel flattered, but as I told you before, unfortunately I'm not interested."

"Listen, _fag_." Sasuke gave off a deadly emanation. "You may fool Naruto, but you can't fool _me_. I know exactly which way you're swinging."

"Doesn't it take one to know one?" Creepy smile again.

With a fast move Sasuke grabbed Sai and pushed him violently at the wall. His face was maybe an inch from Sais. "Any last words, creep?", he hissed

A deadly silence was in the room, same silence you had a moment before all hell would break loose.

Suddenly a murderous noise came from the floor outside.

"YOU CREEP!" Stomp, stomp, stomp. "I'LL KILL YOU AND BURY YOU IN THE GARDENER'S CLUB GROUND TO FEED THE MAGGOTS!", a female voice shouted angrily.

Seems that someone's ruining my plan. , Sasuke thought frowning. I better should look what's happening. Can't let the police stuck their noses into my affairs. He let go of Sai and after giving him a last warning glare went to the door. He opened it and saw Choji lying on the ground, giggling, while Ino attacked him furiously with her feet, swearing heavily. In the background Sasuke spotted two well filled bags standing lost at her door. Probably she just came back from a shopping tour.

"Oh you're so good to me, my princess. Keep touching me.", Choji swooned.

"YOU CREEP! CREEP! CREEP!" Ino was kicking his ass really bad, but all the oversized idiot did was giggling happily and praising her features.

"I can see your panties, thank you my goddess! I love your pink underwear!" That happy smile on Choji's face and his excited blush made Ino lose it completely.

"TEME! PERVERT! I'LL REALLY KILL YOU THIS TIME!" She headed for the fire equipment in the wall, broke the small door and pulled out the ax.

Meanwhile Sakura finally stuck her head out of their apartment door, alerted by the ruckus.

"NO, INO, don't do it!" She rushed towards her friend and tried to prevent the worst by grabbing her arms.

"Out of my way, Sakura! This time I'll get rid of that stalker for good!" She shook her off and raised the ax above Choji, deadly sparkles showing up in her eyes.

"Oh, my goddess, what a way to go! Killed by your adorable, little hands which use to caress your body, that must be paradise."

"DIEEEE!" Ino let the ax go down, but Choji dodged and it went crashing through the floor.

She tried to get the ax out again, her eyes full of deadly fire. "JUST YOU WAIT, CREEP!"

"Stop it, Ino!" Sasuke's dark, commanding voice had a miraculous effect on her. She looked at him, totally shocked.

"S..Sasuke-kun!" Her cheeks grew flaming red, she let the ax be and turned in shame, fleeing swiftly into her room. "NOOOO!You saw me like thaaaat!" Sobbing, Ino slammed the door behind her, leaving a baffled Sakura, an annoyed Sasuke and a slightly damaged Choji outside at the hallway. Sai who had witnessed the scene curiously from afar slowly joined them. He turned towards Choji and helped him up.

"Are you ok, Choji-senpai?"

"Hehehe, did you see that? She truly loves me."

"Uhm... if you say so..." He tended towards Sakura. "Say, is that a common part of the mating ritual in your country? It's a bit scary, to be honest." He smiled in a very insecure way this time.

"Oh, no, no, it's not!" Sakura exclaimed. "Ino's just... you know... her nerves lately..."  
"You mean she's having her period?" Sai asked smiling.

"WHAT? NO! I mean... I don't... anyway that's no subject to talk about."

"Why not? It's a natural cycle of the female body and means she's still up to be fertilized, right?"

"Uh..."; Sakura blushed. "Listen, Sai-kun. I don't know from where you are, but _here_ we don't talk about such things in public."

"Ignore him, he probably was raised in a hole in the ground.", Sasuke advised her.

"No, that's not the case, I grew up in a monastery in the desert."

"Oh, really?" Sakura widened her eyes.

"That's kind of self-explanatory.", Sasuke commented dryly.

Sakura peeked at him in astonishment. He used to be curt and ironic, but talking like that was a new level of rude on him.

"I'm sorry that I was just taught about art, science and physical education. So I'm probably lacking some refined knowledge about such as a woman's moods."

"...or common behavior."

"Sasuke-kun!" Sakura shot an upset look at him.

"What? It's obvious, isn't it? He doesn't know how to behave among civilized people."

"That's why I'm grateful to have Naruto as a role model."

" _Naruto_?" Sakura's eyes almost popped out. "I...I wouldn't take _him_ as a model."

"Why not? He's generous, kind and always helps his friends. I'm considering him a good model."

Damn, this freak had made a point. These are also the features I love about Naruto., Sasuke thought angrily. Could it be they had more in common than their looks? Apparently they also had the same taste. Sasuke gritted his teeth.

Sakura kept silent for a moment before she objected.

"But.. he's so... so... Naruto-ish."

"What do you mean by that?" Sai made a clueless face.

Sasuke also gazed at her in expectation. Startled, she looked from one man to another.

"Oh, come on guys, it's _Naruto_. Loud, silly, childish. He does whatever comes into his mind."

"Some people call that creativity."; Sasuke countered. Wait, did he really say that out loud? Must have been a by-effect of these weird pills he had taken. He really felt light and free as if he could say and do everything. He had to be more careful. "I of course call it dumbness.", he added swiftly.

Sakura laughed in relief. "Yes, that's right, Sasuke-kun. Naruto is kind of an air-head."

"Hey, come on, he's not so bad.", protested Choji. "He always has the best ideas how to have fun."

"Says the pervert stalker." Sakura snorted angrily.

Choji blushed and put up a dumb smile.

"I can't help it, Ino's just so cute. Hehehe."

"She doesn't want you around her. Can't you get that?"

"She's just in denial."

"You butt-head!" Sakura started to attack Choji and gave him a big whack on his head.

"Oi, what have I done to you? Don't hit me, Sakura-chan." Choji put up his arms in defense.

"What you've done to me? Well, let's start with sexually harassing my roommate, so I..."

"That's enough now." Sasuke growled. "Sakura-chan, please go back to your room and take good care of Ino-chan. She probably needs a tranquilizer or at least a shoulder to lean on. I'll bring this troublemaker...", he grabbed Choji's ear under the latter's loud complaints, "...back to his room and make sure he doesn't come back."

"OW, let go, Sasuke-kun!", Choji howled.

"Silence!" Sasuke looked sharply at Sakura. "Do you agree, Sakura-chan?"

She gave him an intimidated look.

"O..of course Sasuke-kun." Like a scolded dog she trotted to her room always hesitantly looking back to Sasuke. With a sigh she eventually entered her apartment and closed the door.

"Fine. Now you and me go where you dwell, Choji-kun. And you'll stay there or next time you'll be caught peeking I'll personally help Ino-chan wielding the ax. Understood?" Sasuke twisted Choji's ear to emphasize his demand.

"OW, yes, I won't come back this evening. I promise!"

"You won't come back ever."

"Ouch, let go, Sasuke-kun. I'm just a man deeply in love, don't you understand that?"

"I just understand that you've got no hold of yourself, wimp!"

"Oh, but Choji-senpai's no wimp at all. He's incredibly strong.", Sai objected. "I saw him lifting up a car on his own."

"Haha, thank you, Sai-kun. It was just a small car though."

"Well, I'm not a car, I'll hit back. Do you understand, Choji-kun?"

"Uhh..."

"Aren't you too rude towards Choji-senpai?"

"Don't you have anything useful to do like hanging yourself?" Sasuke suggested to Sai.

"Your conversations always circle around archaic subjects such as violence, murder and suicide, Sasuke-kun." Sai smiled. "If I was a psychologist, I'd say you're compensating for sexual frustration ...a lot of it."

"I don't need to be a psychologist to say that if you don't want me to fulfill your deeply manifested death-wish, you'd better scram now."

"Ahaha, Sasuke-kun's always so funny, isn't he, Choji-senpai?"

"Uhh... I think you should better go home, Sai-kun. This guy has no humor at all. He means every word he's saying."

"I see. You want me to give you a helping hand, Choji-kun?"

"No thanks, Sasuke-kun's already busy helping me."

"Are you two now finished with your chit-chat or shall I just throw you both outside the window? Would spare me the annoying walk ...amongst other things."

"Sai-kun, please go home now. I'll go home as well. Sasuke-kun will... uh, accompany me, so no worries." Choji sweated. He knew Sasuke well enough to see that this guy had reached his limit. This was bad. He didn't want to get the situation out of hand, like corpses-flying-through-the-air-out-of-hand. He just had intended to have a bit fun when he tried to get a peek at Ino. Sai-kun shouldn't be the one paying for that.

"Well, if you insist, Choji-senpai..."

"He insists."

Sai and Sasuke exchanged a last glare, then Sai bowed in front of Choji and said politely his good-bye before he returned to the apartment.

"Finally alone, Choji-kun. Now I can walk you home, _pal_." And by these words Sasuke took him in a headlock and dragged him all the way over the campus yard.

When they finally arrived at their goal, Choji was starting to show signs of blue in his face.

"Open.", Sasuke ordered.

"No key.", Choji gasped out choking.

Sasuke looked at him in annoyance.

"You really are pathetic. I hope for you that Shikamaru is at home, else I'll just throw you in the river."

He knocked at the door.

After a few seconds Shikamaru opened. He wore a towel around his head which hang half into his face and a Yukata which started to gap open, nothing else. Sasuke frowned. Then he heard a hoarse voice shouting.

"Hey, don't run away in midst of everything Shika-chan, that's really unfair towards me, I'm not finished yet."

Sasuke's eyes widened in disbelief.

"Naruto?!"


	6. Chapter 6

Sasuke pushed open the door and stormed into the room, past a loudly protesting Shikamaru who almost fell down on the floor in the process.

"O..Oi, Sasuke-kun! What are you doing?"

"Sasuke!" Naruto shrieked and jumped up from his seat, totally dressed, as Sasuke noticed in relief. He halted and mustered him warily from top to toe. For a moment he had thought...

"TEME! What are you doing here?" Finding back his confidence, Naruto yelled in anger. Sasuke wasn't impressed.

"I could ask you the same, moron.", he said arrogantly, still furious about what he had heard before. It had sounded as if...

"I can go wherever I want to.", Naruto spat out hatefully.

"Seems you have no other place to go than Shikamaru-kun and the bunch of losers around him whenever I throw you out."

"They aren't losers, they're my friends!", Naruto shouted angrily.

"Acquaintances.", Shikamaru corrected in the background, but Naruto ignored it.

"And you didn't throw me out, I ran off of my own!"

Sasuke always tried to belittle him. That attitude really pissed him off.

"So you admit it."

"Eh? Admit, what?"

"That you ran off, avoiding the consequences of your doing."

"Hey, that's not it!" Naruto pointed at Sasuke fuming. "I ran off because you're such an asshole I couldn't bear it any longer without punching you to a pulp."

"Ha, you're overestimating yourself, dobe. You wouldn't even be capable of scratching me."

"That's what you say. I could totally clobber you up. But I didn't want to trouble Sakura-chan, so I spared you."

"Spared me?" Sasuke snorted. "As if you'd ever be able to even lay a finger on me."

"Wanna try?", Naruto growled and took on a fighting stance.

"Uhm... guys? Before you... start that... can you... please let go... of me, ...Sasuke-kun?", Choji, still held in an uncomfortable headlock by Sasuke, gasped. His head already started to get blue. Sasuke had totally forgotten about him when he had stomped in furiously. He blinked.

"Hn." Unwillingly the Uchiha removed his grip and Choji moved away gasping for air.

"Choji, pal, are you ok?" Naruto rushed to him.

"Uh... I think so, as soon as my ears stop ringing, that is."

Angrily Naruto turned towards Sasuke. "Do you always have to mistreat my friends?", he snapped.

"Acquaintances." Choji rattled faintly.

"Not always, just when they don't behave.", Sasuke replied.

"Choji's a good guy, he doesn't behave badly."

"Says you. For me it looked differently."

"Maybe you should wear your glasses more often."

"I have no glasses." Sasuke narrowed his eyes in anger.

"Then you need some, mole-eye."

"What did you just call me?" Sasuke straightened his pecs.

"Mole-eye, did you understand it now or do you also need an ear trumpet?"

Sasuke made two steps forward towards Naruto, who fled and brought the table between him and Sasuke.

"Oi, guys, please calm down!", Shikamaru interfered. "As much fun as this may be for you, our flat isn't suited for fights. So if you want to go on with your marital dispute, please get out and continue it somewhere else, preferably on your own floor ...or the next country."

Both men stared at Shikamaru, Naruto startled and Sasuke with a deep killing intent.

"Oi, Sasuke, don't look at me like that. I can't help that our flat isn't a boxing ring." Shikamaru avoided further eye contact. "Also, you haven't explained yet why you're here."

"Yes, right! Why are you here, teme?" Naruto was all fired up.

"Well, it's not that I was looking for you, dobe.", Sasuke replied arrogantly. "It just happened that one of your good-for-nothing _acquaintances_...", he looked at Choji who ducked away. "...caused some ruckus on our floor. So I had to bring him back after teaching him some manners."

"Uuuh... can't you... just forget about that... Sasuke-kun?", Choji blushed.

"I don't know. Ino seemed quite upset about your behavior."

"So you did it again..." Shikamaru closed his eyes in pain and sighed. "Didn't I tell you not to overdo things?"

"But... I had no bad intent." Choji looked like a lost puppy. "I swear, I just went over to ask her for a date."

"That can hardly be the reason she hurled an ax on you." Sasuke threw in dryly.

"Choji...?" Shikamaru watched him closely.

"Uhm, I... I didn't do it on purpose, it was kind of a reflex."

"Choji-kun, what did you do?" Naruto's blue eyes popped wide open imagining the weirdest things. Though Choji was one of his friends and a model for calm and nice, he turned absolutely foolish when it came to Ino. He had that crush on her since the first time he spotted her on the campus and his cheeks always blushed whenever her name was mentioned.

"Admit what you've done.", Shikamaru demanded. "You'll feel much better afterward."

"I just came along when she arrived at her flat. I had no clue she had been out shopping. It was just bad timing." Choji pouted.

"What happened?" Shikamaru didn't let go.

"Yeah... uh.. she wore that sexy mini skirt, the white on which I love so much because it's so tight and shows off her..."

"We're not interested in this part, tell us what happened.", Shikamaru cut him off rudely.

"Uh, right. Well... she put down her purchases to open the door, but the key fell down into one of the bags. So she had to bend down and look for it..."

"...and you used the situation to have a peek under her skirt, right?", Shikamaru deduced.

"My body kind of moved of its own and it was so worth it. Her panties were..."

"I don't want to know, man!", Shikamaru barked out. "Geez, what a drag you are. Don't you ever learn decency?"

"Choji-kun...", Naruto gasped with a wide open mouth."...respect, man, give me five!" He smirked and held up his hand.

"Figures that you're approving of such a low act.", Sasuke commented.

"Hey, not everyone's a natural womanizer, teme! Do you know what it takes an average guy like Choji to do such a thing? That needs _guts_ , man."

"You're just encouraged to do a similar thing to Sakura-chan now, don't you?" The annoyance in Sasuke's voice was blatantly obvious.

"Do you guys think I'd have a chance?", Naruto addressed excitedly at Choji and Shikamaru.

"Sure. She'd send you straightly to heaven." Shikamaru watched Naruto rejoicing. "...by one of her deadly uppercuts after she smashed your crown jewels to rubble."

Naruto's face fell down.

"Shika-chan, I thought you were my friend...", he complained whining.

"How often have I told you I'm just an acquaintance? And don't 'chan' me all the time. People..." He glanced over to Sasuke. "...could get the wrong impression."

"You're so cruel, Shikamaru!", Naruto complained. "If it's like that, I'll hang out with bushy-brows from now on. He at least knows to esteem me."

"Would spare me a lot of trouble.", Shikamaru responded bluntly. "...and water.", he added with a look on his Yukata.

"Quite an unusual time for taking a shower." Sasuke threw in. "Did you by chance have any special...", his gaze shortly brushed Naruto, "...reason?"

"Since when are you interested in my bathing schedules, Sasuke-kun?" Shikamaru returned.

"I'm not. I just don't like people hiding something from me." Sasuke reached out his hand and lifted the towel edge from Shikamaru's face, revealing a considerable black eye.

"Something like that, for example. You hit yourself on the bed post?"

"Whoa, Shika-chan, what happened?" Naruto cried out.

"Don't 'chan' me, Naruto-kun." Shikamaru muttered, still staring at Sasuke.

"Temari happened." Choji chuckled.

"Thank you, Choji, you're a real friend.", Shikamaru remarked ironically and turned his head away from Sasuke while his cheeks started to blush. "Remind me to put your foot in a bucket of water next time you'll check the electricity unit." He replaced the towel edge over his damaged eye.

"Seems your date with the 'hot babe' didn't work out the way you planned it." Sasuke parenthetically threw in. Inwardly he was relieved. He already had assumed it was Naruto who had punched Shikamaru in an attempt to preserve his chastity. OMG, now I start thinking like a cheap soap opera writer, I'm so pathetic! , he scolded himself.

"Temari suddenly appeared out of nowhere.", Shikamaru muttered unwillingly. He seemed quite embarrassed.

"Yeah, right when Shikamaru danced closely with his new flame. You know, that dance which looks like having sex in public." Choji grinned happily.

Shikamaru shot a death glare at his friend, but Choji ignored it.

"Must have caused some trouble." Sasuke assumed.

"Temari totally screwed him up.", Choji added gleefully.

"Thank you, Choji." Shikamaru's tone was dry. "What would I do without you?"

"No problem. I always thought you two made a nice couple. You're such a lucky guy. If Ino would do the same for me, I'd be in heaven."

"We really have to talk about your masochistic issues, Choji. If you won't get that treated, you'll end up in a coffin prematurely." Shikamaru shook his head.

"Killed by my love, that would be an epic way to go." Choji's eyes sparkled.

"You're sick."

"Just love-sick."

"Whatever, stalking Ino like that is beyond any tolerance. If I ever see you again on our floor, I'll immediately call the campus security. You got that Choji-kun?" Sasuke smiled intimidating.

"Uh, I'll just molest her outside your floor, I promise."

"You shouldn't molest her at all, you overgrown dumb-head.", Sasuke growled annoyed.

"But how should I prove her my honest admiration, if I'm not allowed to approach her?"

"Send her flowers or write her a poem, whatever, just don't harass her."

"Or ignore her like Sasuke-kun. Seems to have a magic attraction on women.", Shikamaru suggested.

"It just works when you look like Sasuke-kun.", Choji whined.

"You're such a pathetic bunch of losers. I can't stand your yammering anymore. Whatever, it's settled. You have been warned, Choji-kun." Sasuke turned to the door.

"I'm going. What about you, dobe?"

"I'll stay here, with my _friends_." Naruto shrank his arms and pouted in stubborn resistance.

"Acquaintances." Shikamaru and Choji corrected simultaneously.

"Guys! How can you be so rude to me?"

"Losers.", Sasuke mumbled annoyed and left.

"Teme! Next time you'll fuck with me _I'll_ be the one on top!" Naruto cat-called at a disappearing Sasuke on the hallway. Sasuke froze for a moment but then went on as if he hadn't heard anything at all.

"Don't raise his hopes, Naruto.", Shikamaru said dryly. Choji snorted.

"Eh?" Naruto turned, oblivious to the equivocation of his words. "What do you mean, Shika-chan?"

"Just forget it."

"Hey, hey... about that eye... I still can't believe that happened. A clever guy like you doing such a mistake. I mean... you're always so sly and calculating..."

Shikamaru smirked. "Who says I didn't calculate that in?"

"Huh?"

"He _knew_ Temari would show up." Choji winked. "He's the master of Shogi, right, Shika-chan?"

"I finally got her to confess." Shikamaru grinned smugly. "She always acted so stuck-up and indifferent when we were together, but we both knew she wasn't. Now it's official." He pointed at his covered black eye. "She can't take that back. It's like an engagement ring or a kiss mark ...just a bit more painful." He drew a face. "Though it was totally worth it.", he added with a content smile.

"Maaan, Shikamaru, you guys are quite complicated. Why didn't you just say so, if you both knew you liked each other?"

"It's all about pride, Naruto-kun." Shikamaru gave him a conspiratorial look. "You should know that best."

"Eh? Why me? I always tell Sakura-chan how much I like her."

Shikamaru stared at him.

"Sure.", he said.

"That makes no sense, Shika-chan." Naruto looked a bit desperate.

"No?"

"Can you speak in a way I too can understand?" Naruto gave him a broad, embarrassed smile.

Shikamaru sighed.

"Do you know pride, Naruto-kun?"

"Of course I do!" Naruto's chest swelled.

"There you are."

"Uh..." Naruto scratched his head. "You don't want to tell me, do you?"

Shikamaru simply stared back.

Naruto shook his head as if to get out beetles of it and shortly after his mood changed into excitement.

"Whatever, that was a cool stunt and so _cunning_. You even fooled Sasuke-bastard, you're my hero! Give me a bump, bro!" Naruto held out his fist and Shikamaru bumped it with his own.

"You have to keep everything a secret, Naruto-kun, or it will backfire on me. Temari has quite the temper. I count on you." Shikamaru fixated the blond intensively.

"Sure. We men have to stick together and get each others backs, don't we?"

"Uh, you should watch your words from time to time, Naruto-kun. Just an advise."

"What's wrong with my words?" Naruto looked clueless, but in the next moment the hyperactive young man jumped to another idea.

"Do you think the same tactic would work for Sakura-chan and me?" His eyes sparkled.

"Well, somehow I don't think Sasuke-kun would play along."

"Dang, you're right, that bastard would fake interest and snatch her away in front of my eyes just to bring me up."

"Exactly." Shikamaru smirked ambiguously while Naruto was caught in his anger and cursed his arch enemy loudly.

That guy really was amusing. So oblivious...


	7. Chapter 7

Angrily Sasuke stomped along the hallway returning to his apartment.

Why had the dobe to be so stubborn? Instead of coming back with him (where he'd have him under control) he insisted on staying with his so called 'friends', who didn't even see him as such.

But apparently both guys were just interested in girls, so they were at least no threat.

And yet... something fishy was going on there, Sasuke could sense it, he just couldn't lay his finger on it so far.

Wasn't it awkward how the two guys always hastily corrected Naruto's words and stated he was just an 'acquaintance'?

Could it be that all their behavior was just an act to cover up their real interests and lull Sasuke into a false sense of security? What if, in reality they were after Naruto like seemingly everyone on the campus?

In that case, he'd just have thrown a defenseless Naruto to a bunch of hungry wolves...

Sasuke clenched his fists and his eyes turned darker than a pit to hell. He fought utterly his urge to turn back. No, he was an Uchiha, no way he'd behave like a jealous fool! His feelings were insignificant, it was his mind which should prevail.

First: Naruto was no lamb, he could stand his ground. He'd proven that so many times before. Sasuke's own body could testify by many bruises of the past that Naruto was able to defend himself very well.

Second: No way Shikamaru and Chouji were after him. It was all in his imagination. They knew pretty well, the moment they laid their dirty hands on something that was his, they'd be dead.

Shikamaru was a clever guy, he surely had figured out already how Sasuke felt about Naruto after the debacle with Sai moving in. All these allusions he's made lately...

Sasuke was sure he knew. And if Shikamaru knew, Chouji knew too.

No, they wouldn't dare to do anything, even if they wanted.

That was one side of it, but it was rather terrifying that someone knew his secret. All these years he had put up the perfect act and now...

Naruto blabbering around stories about their 'kissing contest' didn't help either maintaining Sasuke's secret.

Damn, since that Valentine's Day everything was going down the drain. Not long and everyone would know that he was nothing but a love struck fool for – of all people in the world – the most stupid person in existence, _Naruto_.

His social image would be ruined, if that ever made the circuit. He'd be the laugh of everyone.

Not only that he'd become falsely considered as gay – he was pretty sure that he just harbored such feelings for Naruto and nobody else – he'd also be thought of as a superficial playboy who liked dumb blonds. One cliché after another and so not true!

His feelings for the idiot weren't comparable to anything people understood so trivially as love or passion. Their bonds were much deeper, they went to the core. Sasuke couldn't imagine to exist without Naruto at his side and he'd be damned if anyone should ever find that out and look down on him.

Sasuke didn't even know why he had fallen so hard for Naruto. There was really no objective reason for it.

He'd known him from Kindergarten on and Naruto had always been that way, loud, clingy, whiny and stubborn to the extent of being dumbheaded, in one word 'annoying'.

Naruto was the complete opposite of himself and all his attempts to push him back just made him try harder to get close to him. God, he hated him, back then.

And yet, whenever Naruto was absent because of sickness or another reason, there was this uneasy feeling inside Sasuke... as if a very important part of him was missing. It was irritating, disturbing, it almost hurt...

Maybe it was because Naruto had something which lacked Sasuke, something which completed him and calmed down his angry soul.

Naruto was the only one who could make him laugh. Not that Sasuke ever showed him that, but later at home, alone in his room, when nobody noticed, he laughed his ass off about the pranks of the dumb blond. And then he felt happy.

He knew very early that Naruto was his. That was for sure, he never questioned it. It was like a physical law.

Yes, Naruto definitely was kind of annoying and often drove him crazy, but there also was this awesome greatness inside him, like going above all boundaries for a friend if needed, never giving up on something no matter how often he failed until he finally succeeded, cheering up others though he was in the greatest pain ever himself, just to name a few of his many extraordinary features, which made him shine in a totally different light.

Sasuke was drawn to this light like a moth to a fire. He knew it would end up fatal, but he couldn't help it.

The day had come to face it, rumors about him and Naruto would spread soon and ruin him.

Sasuke shook his head. Why was he always thinking so negative? There was no indication Shikamaru had spilled out anything so far. And since Sasuke knew about his embarrassing date the chances were good that Shikamaru kept everything he suspected under the blankets. He wasn't known as a gossip-lover anyway.

With Sakura it was the opposite of course, but thanks to her stupid crush on him she was totally blind for every possible sign that could give him away.

Sai on the other hand was a completely different story...

SAI, the mere thought of this obnoxious, almost white skinned _snake_ who had soiled his peaceful paradise by nesting within made Sasuke's blood boil!

If just Chouji hadn't done this stupid thing, he would have shown this pale intruder how he used to reward butting in his affairs.

But maybe it was a good thing that they were interrupted in their dispute, the guy would probably be dead by now if their fight had went on. Sasuke wouldn't mind to kill or die for Naruto, both was fine as long as he was his. Not that he ever had killed somebody, but regarding Sai, it became a more and more tempting thought.

This guy with his false smile, mocking him and trying to drive a wedge between him and Naruto...

Sasuke vividly remembered all the awkward events since the pale guy had moved in. He let them reappear in his mind in every detail and there truly were a lot of them...

 **Flashback (2 days ago)** :

After Sai came back from Ichiraku's he sorted out all his things. Naruto had decided to postpone his talk with Teiuchi-san ...probably to 'never-mind-when'. This guy always was full of trouble, but his main reason to stay was probably to keep things under control. He didn't trust Sasuke to stay calm while Sai stored one utensil after another and claimed his place in their flat.

Sasuke frowned when he spotted a big easel leaning on the wall of the living room.

"What's that?", he demanded to know in a strict tone.

"Oh, that's a means to keep up the canvas for my paintings. It's made out of wood and very convenient.", Sai explained with a fake smile. "It's called an..."

"I know what an easel is.", Sasuke interrupted him curtly. "I meant what's that supposed to do in here? There's no way I'll ever let you paint in my flat."

" _Your_ flat? Isn't it also partly Narutos?" Again that smug smile, stinging Sasuke.

"Not particularly. Practically he's always on the verge of being thrown out."

"HEY! That's so not true!", Naruto protested. His cheeks flushed adorably. "Just don't listen to Sasuke, he's a permanent nagger, but you'll get used to him."

"Ah, yes, You already told me he was 'the biggest asshole walking on two legs'." Sai recited smiling. "'...and if there was something like justice in this world he should be mentioned in the Guinness Book of Records for...'"

"That's enough!", Naruto cried panicking at the sight of Sasuke's more and more darkening face.

He laughed nervously and scratched his head.

"Ahahaha! I was totally drunk, you know? Probably blabbering nonsense all the time."

"Oh, but I can confirm most of the description to be accurate up to now." Sai seemed very happy about that. "Except for the part that he's also the biggest dick around the campus. I haven't seen this part of his body yet, but maybe tomorrow in the morning when we use the bathroom I can..."

"That's enough, indeed!", Sasuke growled and made a step forward, his hands were twitching to grab the eerie guy's short, dark shirt and give him a lesson or two.

But Naruto slipped swiftly between them and in a desperate attempt to hold him back jumped Sasuke from the front wrapping his arms and legs tightly around his whole body which irritated him enough to give Sai an opportunity for a swift escape.

Just that the pale guy didn't move an inch. He just stood there fascinated and smiled excitedly.

"That's an interesting pose. Can I draw you two like that?" He already held a block in his hands and started scribbling.

"NO!" Naruto and Sasuke yelled in horrified unison.

Sai made a disappointed face, but restored the block. He turned to his things and stored them in the wardrobe as if nothing had happened.

Meanwhile Naruto managed to drive Sasuke back to the other corner of the living room where they started a fight over the subject whether Naruto had a brain or a bowel of ramen in his head to tell such an amount of crap to a random stranger.

"So... where do I sleep?" Sai finally asked after he had finished storing his things.

Though Sasuke had calmed down a bit he still glared at Sai with the darkest thoughts.

"The couch should be fine.", he suggested. "Providing that you tidy it up every morning. I don't want my living room to look like a gypsy camp."

"Sasukeeehh! That's rude! And also much too inconvenient. Sai can sleep in our bedroom. He's got a tatami mat. Right, Sai?"

"Oh yes, I have one indeed. Shikamaru-kun was so nice to borrow me one."

"Shikamaru-kun?" Sasuke frowned. "Why should he do that?"

"Why not? Not everyone is a selfish prick like _some_ _other_ people.", Sai repeated with a fake smile in his direction.

Sasuke decided not to rise to that provocation.

"Whatever." He snorted scornfully. "Make use of it, then. There must be some room in the hallway yet where you can make yourself comfy."

"I'll show you the bedroom, Sai.", Naruto offered hastily and scurried away with the pale guy at his hand before Sasuke could protest. He followed them unwillingly.

God only knew what the idiot would offer this creep if he didn't have his eye on it.

Sai mustered the room. His sight fell on a big bed near the only window in the chamber.

"Oh, Naruto, this bed is big enough to contain two people.", he exclaimed excitedly.

"Erh... what do you mean, Sai?" Naruto, this bigmouth, suddenly appeared very insecure and sheepish.

"It's big enough for both of us, if you don't mind, Naruto. More room and less work. Since we're both guys it should be no problem. It looks comfortable too." Sai smiled like Christmas came early.

Now that was an idea even Naruto refrained from, Sasuke noticed in satisfaction. Not that the idiot had the slightest idea what Sai really had in mind, but he at least had good instincts which gave him a bad feeling about it.

Or so Sasuke interpreted Naruto's appearing sweat drops and permanent fidgeting while frantically seeking for an excuse to decline, stuttering nonsense.

"Tha..that's not _my_ bed, you know... it's Sasukes... ehehe... and anyway, I snore and... kick in my sleep and... and... besides that... uh..."

"Nobody touches my things!", Sasuke stated with a low growling.

Maybe he shouldn't have laid his hand on Naruto's shoulder the moment he said it, but oh, well...

Sai probably got the message ... _both_ messages. The guy stared at them and raised an eyebrow while Naruto angrily shook off Sasuke's hand and yelled at him.

"TEME, what are you doing?"

"Apparently I mistook you for a drawer."

"A drawer? Do I look like a drawer?"

"At least you both have the same IQ." Sasuke smirked.

"I'm not a furniture, you ass!"

"I'll try to keep it in mind when next time you'll start storing my edible property in your mouth."

Naruto turned red like a tomato, gasping like a fish out of water.

"T..teme!..."

"Uhm, sorry, but what about the bathroom schedule in the morning?", Sai interrupted their fight. "I don't want to miss classes or be late, that would be impolite, so it would help to know how you two handle things here. It's getting more complicated anyway since we're a threesome now." Again that smile.

Was he making fun of them?

"We aren't and never will be a _threesome_ , get that in your head, pervert, or I'll remove it for you!" Sasuke's angry eyes expressed even more killing intent than his words.

"Oh.. sorry, sorry, probably a - what do you call it? - ...slip of tongue?" With a honorific bow Sai smiled falsely. "I just wanted to express we're three people in this room now, so..."

"Yeah, I already know what you wanted..." Sasuke shot a glance at Naruto. "Just keep your tongue in your mouth and beware the first rule: Don't _ever_ touch my things. Same goes for the idiot, of course."

"Hey, don't you call me idiot, teme!", Naruto fought back instantaneously, not aware of the ambiguousness in Sasukes's phrases. "And don't be so rude towards our guest. He's a good guy, aren't you, Sai?"

Sai's face started to shine. "Oh yes, Naruto, I can't wait to show you how good I am, especially to you." He smirked into Sasuke's direction.

This creep...

Naruto smiled broadly. "There you are, teme. Sai's a real pal."

This moron of course didn't get it. Oblivious of everything, he went on with his house-tour showing Sai the bathroom and explaining their morning schedule.

"Sasuke always gets up first, he's a morning person, I'm more the sleepy type of guy. But I can wake up very fast when needed."

Sasuke snorted. He didn't remember a single day Naruto hadn't to be thrown out of bed by violence. He was more the 'oversleeping-doomsday' type of guy than anything else.

Sai looked around like before and seemed to be impressed by the wide space of the bathroom.

As to be expected he came out with his next 'bright' idea.

"Your bath is so big, we easily could take showers altogether. Would spare us a lot of money." He showed his fake smile.

"Really?" Naruto seemed interested, like always when he saw a way to reduce costs. This idiot.

"If you can't afford the surplus costs which come with such a flat, I'll gladly cancel the contract.", Sasuke offered as if he just had waited for it.

"Oh, Sasuke-kun, that was nothing but a little joke.", Sai assured swiftly, laughing.

Yeah, sure, as if.

The first attempt gone wrong to get rid of that bastard, but surely not the last.

If it was up to Sasuke's inner urges, he'd just throw this intruder out and if not to be helped otherwise, pay him the costs for another apartment for the time he was supposed to stay here.

But he couldn't do that.

Though Naruto wasn't the brightest among the stars, even _he_ would get wary of such an act of generosity by usually picky Sasuke.

He grit his teeth and swallowed down the rude answer he had in mind. For the time being he just had to endure that white creep's presence and keep a close eye on him.

He glared at Sai joking with Naruto and patting his shoulder. A very close eye...


	8. Chapter 8

Sasuke turned the door knob and entered his flat. He heard some sounds coming from the kitchen, probably Sai trying to prepare something for dinner. For _Naruto_.

He grit his teeth and remembered the most awkward moment in their involuntary flat share: Sai in midst of the night bending over Naruto and Sasuke lighting the scene with the flashlight he had stored under his pillow, just in case...

They had stared at each other for a moment without blinking, Sasuke with a cold view on his face expressing "I've always known" and Sai looking disturbed like a predator caught by a sudden flash in the night.

Sasuke would never forget that moment of 'Gotcha!' paired with the embarrassment of this situation while the dobe snored, drooled and simply slept on, oblivious to everything around him as he always was.

It was the only time Sasuke ever saw 'Ghost Guy' that surprised. The creep almost appeared human. But he had swiftly regained his composure and started smiling his eerie smile again, whispering: "He's loud, ne?" Then getting down on his tatami mat on the floor as if nothing had happened.

It was the moment Sasuke decided not to sleep anymore.

"Welcome home.", Sai greeted from the kitchen.

"Hn."

"Oh, it's just _you_ , Sasuke-kun." Sai who just had run out of the kitchen door, stopped abruptly and looked disappointed.

Sasuke stared at the pale guy's apron with the imprint: 'Kiss the cook!'. He clenched his fist.

"I had hoped for Naruto." Sai smiled falsely.

"Don't get so familiar with him."

"But he told me to leave out the honorifics."

"That's because he's a dumbass." Sasuke snorted. "He just trusts everyone and takes in every stray that pursues him." His look bit into Sai.

"Well, I for one appreciate such a nice attitude. It shows Naruto's kind heart."

"He just gets used by this 'nice attitude'."

"Maybe, but it's preferable to being a cold and heartless bitch who knows nothing but themselves." Sai smiled directly at Sasuke.

"Do you have anyone special in mind?" Sasuke smirked intimidating.

"I wouldn't say he's _special_." Again his outrageous, provoking smile.

"Maybe you want to specify?"

"Are you looking for a fight, Sasuke-kun?"

"Are you looking for a funeral, Sai-kun?" Sasuke lightly straightened his pecs. He desperately prayed for a brazen reply that would give him a righteous cause to beat up this annoying guy.

"Ahahaha, funny like always, Sasuke-kun." Sai simply turned around and disappeared into the kitchen.

Sasuke decided to leave it at that. There was no use to beat this creep to a pulp, it would just bring up Naruto against him when he returned home.

The idiot always stood up for the weaker ones, regardless of their position, whether they were right or wrong.

Whatever, Sasuke just had thrown out the tainted carpet a day before. So there was no pick-up zone for all the blood anyway. It was near impossible to get blood out of wood. The pale creep definitely wasn't worth changing out the whole wooden floor.

Sasuke exhaled, trying to get a hold of his aggressions while he moved over to the couch. He sat down and turned on the TV choosing the news channel. No surprises in the business section. He turned it down and fetched his books. If there was nothing interesting on TV, he could at least study a bit.

"Do you know when Naruto will come home?", Sai asked from the kitchen.

"Do I look like his keeper?"

Couldn't this guy just shut his trap and let him be? It was hard enough suppressing the wish to get his hands around his neck and strangle him even without his permanent declarations of care for Naruto.

"So, you didn't see him?" Sai stepped out of the kitchen.

"What is it of _your_ interest?"

"I thought it would be nice to prepare some Miso Ramen for Naruto and I don't want it to become overcooked."

"Tse, as long as you call it _Ramen_ , he'll eat it anyway, no matter the consistence."

"But I want it to be extra delicious to make him happy."

"Just throw a lot of soy sauce into the soup, then the idiot's always happy."

"You shouldn't speak so condescending about Naruto. A nice person like him deserves respect."

"Is that so?" Unnerved, Sasuke closed one of his books with more pressure than needed. "At least I'm not bothering him 24/7 like a certain stalker." He turned and glared at Sai.

"Are you sure? I always see you around where he shows up."

"We're on the same campus, genius, so it's inevitable to stumble over each other from time to time."

"It's more than just from time to time."

"That's called co-incidence in the modern world."

"Thank you so much for teaching me, Sasuke-kun, because in the monastery we had another word for it."

"Do you want to imply anything?" Sasuke's eyes narrowed.

"Do you have to hide anything, Sasuke-kun?" Sai smiled over-politely

"Just the wish to get rid of you."

"But you're not hiding that at all."

"Don't I? Oh, how unforgivable of me! Quickly pack your things and move out to show your utter protest."

"Oh, I'd never leave this nice place and rob me of your lovely company." Fake smile. "Especially not of Naruto's."

"You don't say." If eyes could kill, Sai would have been incinerated by Sasuke's glare right now.

"Even if I had 100 fine offers to go, I'd stay here to the very end of the contract." Sai turned into the direction of the kitchen.

"What should poor Naruto do without my backup, after all?", he added. "He'd be completely lost to you."

«Which wouldn't be the worst thing», Sasuke thought. «In fact it would be perfect.»

"We did pretty well before you showed up.", he growled.

"Really? Then why is he complaining so much about you?"

"How should I know? The idiot's always complaining about random things and preferably about me. 'Sasuke looks much better than me, Sasuke has unbelievably better grades than me, Sasuke's stinking rich and stealing all the girls from me, Sasuke's this and Sasuke's that', I'm his excuse for every of his uncountable deficiencies."

"That sounds more as if you were _indeed_ the cause for his trouble. Maybe _you_ should look for another place to live, Sasuke-kun?"

"Yeah, as if. May I remind you that this is originally _my_ flat?"

"So you won't move out?"

"Not until hell freezes over."

"You know that there are theories existing about hell being an ice desert for real, don't you?"

"Nice try, but I think using the words 'hell' and 'for real' in one phrase is a kind of contradiction, don't you agree?"

"That's depending on the point of view, I'd say. People without a spark of human sympathy who consequently also refuse the existence of something... _higher_ , would of course agree, but since I was raised in a more ... _refined_ environment, I learned that the spiritual world is far from being unreal."

"If it's such a real place why don't you just go there? Would spare me a lot of trouble."

"Which trouble?"

"The trouble to _bring_ you there."

"Hahaha, you're really full of humor, Sasuke-kun."

"No, I'm not. I don't know why something like humor should even exist."

"Then why did you say things in a funny way?"

"It's not called 'funny', it's called 'irony' and civilized people use it to point out the obvious."

"And that should be...?"

"In my case that my previous phrase was just an allegory for saying in a polite way that _you'll_ be the first to get out of here. You can even bet on it if your 'refined' upraising allows you such."

"Oh, _that_ was polite? Then I don't want to see you become rude, Sasuke-kun." Sai chuckled and stepped into the kitchen.

"You bet on it, freak.", Sasuke muttered.

The next 2 hours Sai spent doing chores everywhere in the flat, avoiding Sasuke who studied eagerly his books until his eyes were worn out.

He felt exhausted and started to yawn. After 3 big yawns his jaw started to hurt and he realized that he would fall asleep if he wouldn't take counter actions. He took out the package of medicine, Sakura gave him. He remembered her words about the body damage he would get should he take more than one pill a day. But the damn stimulants didn't seem to work at all.

Sai started whistling 'Oh my Darling Clementine' in the bedroom.

«To hell with it!», Sasuke thought and swallowed down three other pills. He didn't feel any difference.

Suddenly the door swung open and Naruto stepped in.

"I'm back!", he cried in a happy voice.

«Was he drunk again?» Sasuke turned around to have a taxing look at him.

"Welcome back, Naru-chan!" Sai scurried at his side. This weasel sure was fast.

"Ahaha, I told you to leave out the honorifics, Sai." Naruto clapped him on the back and Sai made a face as if the happiest thing ever had just happened.

"Don't change our flat into a petting zoo, I already told you that, usuratonkachi."

"What did you say, bastard?" Naruto puffed himself up in an attitude of anger.

"You heard me."

"Teme, the moment I enter this house, you're starting a fight."

"So what?"

"You're always destroying my good mood!"

"And that's bad, because...?"

"Because it's _bad_ , dattebayo! Do I really have to _explain_ it?"

"I don't care."

"You're such a sick..."

"In fact, I'd prefer it if you'd just shut your mouth."

"Shut my mouth, SHUT my mouth?! The only thing that'll shut will be my door in your face!"

"Whatever." Sasuke tended back to his books ignoring Naruto. "Just keep a bit quiet, so I can learn."

"Learning, that's all you're interested in, geek!"

" _You_ dare to call me a geek, dobe?" Sasuke's eyes narrowed as he looked back on Naruto. "I don't think you're suited to judge about me."

"What do you mean by that, bastard?"

"Not everybody's content with barely making it, like you."

"Did you just call me _dumb_?"

"I'm just saying some of us have higher ambitions than others."

"You stinkin', arrogant..."

"Oh, Naruto, you shouldn't pay so much attention to Sasuke-kun.", Sai stepped in. "He can't help being like that. Selfish people are always just interested in secondary features like tangibles and strictness. They don't know to appreciate the higher values of life like the kindness of the heart. It's probably not his fault but that of his upraising that let him become one of the poor in mind. You should just pity him." Sai smiled contently.

Naruto looked a bit baffled at first but then he nodded in excitement.

"Yeah, right!", he yelled and pointed at Sasuke with his index finger. "I _pity_ you, asshole!"

Sasuke turned angrily. Even if he wasn't at such good terms with his family, he wouldn't allow anyone to insult them. Especially not _Sai_.

"My, aren't we stuck up? At least 'we selfish people' aren't dream dancers like you losers are. Seriously, you can take your pity and shove it up your ass, usuratonkachi! And if you don't, maybe I'll do it for you."

Naruto looked shocked for a moment. Sai blushed excitedly. Maybe he waited for the realization of Sasuke's threatening. But that never happened.

"You prick!", Naruto shouted and attacked Sasuke with a jump. "You want to shove something inside me? I'll show you!"

They fell from the couch and rolled over the floor in an angry embrace, hitting, kicking and insulting each other while Sai rushed to the bedroom to take out his drawing utensils.

"Hold that pose!", he cried being back and scribbled like crazy.

But the two didn't hear him. They were too occupied by their fight which was long overdue.

Naruto was able to land one or two kicks on Sasuke before the latter gave him a heavy punch in the stomach.

"OOOOF!", Naruto let out. He rolled to the side and tried to crawl away from Sasuke who just got the upper hand.

"Stay here, usuratonkachi, I'm not finished with you yet!" Sasuke grabbed Naruto's ankle and pulled him back.

"Let go, teme!" Naruto kicked after Sasuke and managed to hit his face. He fell a bit back, irritatedly shook his head and then pursued Naruto, crawling after him on the floor.

He eventually caught up with the blond refugee and buried him under his weight.

"Damn you, Naruto! I'll break every bone in your body if you resist. You know you deserve it."

In a futile attempt to squirm free of Sasuke's hold, Naruto turned.

"What for, bastard? I didn't do anything. _You_ started it all!", he cried with a red hot face.

" _You_ jumped in _my_ face not I in yours!", Sasuke shouted back.

"You had it coming!" To give his statement more power, Naruto placed a punch on Sasuke's face.

"Ow!" Sasuke held his chin. "That was the same place twice, dobe!", he growled. His eyes turned totally black. Within seconds Sasuke sat on Naruto's chest, pinning down his arms by his knees. Naruto struggled and wriggled, but there was no escape.

Sasuke winded up his arm for a mighty punch on Naruto's face.

"Now's payment day.", he proclaimed in a dark voice.

Naruto's eyes widened. Sasuke was really dangerous in this mood. But it wasn't Naruto's fault, was it? _Sasuke_ had started the fight, hadn't he?

Naruto just could stare helplessly at his nearing doom. But what was that?

Suddenly Sasuke seemed to hesitate, he started shaking. His face became pale and his eyes fluttered.

"U..usuratonkachi...", he said, before he fell down on the side.

Naruto crawled back in bewilderment and stared at Sasuke for a few seconds.

Was he faking? But he didn't seem to move.

"Aww, just when it got interesting!", Sai complained and stored away his drawing stuff.

Naruto gave him an angry look before he returned his attention to Sasuke.

He still didn't move. He didn't even seem to breathe.

Cautiously Naruto poked on the unconscious body from as afar as he was able to.

"Sasuke?" He didn't show any signs of life.

Warily, Naruto crawled beside him and looked closer to his face. Did he breathe?

He shook him.

No reaction.

"Sasukeeeehhh!" Now Naruto panicked. "Don't die on me, teme, it was just a little punch! You can't die from that! Noooo, I didn't mean it!" He started sobbing.

"Don't worry, Naruto, he's still alive.", Sai tried to calm him down. "People like him don't die that easily. Else this world would be perfect."

"Gaaah, you idiot, that's not helping!", Naruto cried. "Quickly, go fetch Sakura-chan!"

"Why me?" Sai drew a face.

"Because if _I_ do, she'll punch me so badly I won't leave the hospital for _weeks_."

"What a mean bitch." Sai snorted. "Are you really sure you want me to wake such a she-dragon?"

"Shut up, Sai! You don't know her at all. She's a kindhearted girl. She'll help us."

"If you say so..." Sai didn't look as if he'd believe him.

"Just go fetch her now!"

"Okay, since it's your wish, Naruto, I'll do it." Sai smiled. "Remember, you'll owe me for this."

"Whatever.", Naruto mumbled, not really paying attention. He stared at Sasuke's pale face. Damn, this didn't look good. Not at all. "Just hurry, will ya?"

"I'm flying." With obvious leisureliness Sai moved towards the hallway.

Naruto heard the door shut. He looked hesitantly at Sasuke and then placed his head on his thigh.

"Please don't die.", he whispered and held him tight. Then, almost inaudibly he added: "You're my closest friend ...teme."


	9. Chapter 9

"Sasuke, are you alright? Please look at me! How many fingers do you see?" Sakura's shrill voice woke me up. I felt a stinging in my arm.

"Six, if you count in the two Sai's putting up behind your head.", I replied sarcastically.

"SAI-KUN!" Angrily Sakura turned towards the pale guy behind her. "This isn't funny!"

"Sorry, Sakura-chan." Sai bowed politely. "I couldn't resist to pull a little prank on Sasuke-kun. My apologies." He smiled falsely.

"Naruto's definitely having a bad influence on you.", she grumbled.

"No way!" Naruto protested from afar.

"Shut up, you idiot, or I'll come over and give you another reminder to behave yourself." Sakura angrily raised her fist.

No reply. I could imagine the idiot shaking.

"By the way, Sasuke-kun, how could you know that it was _me_ behind Sakura-chan?", Sai broke the awkward silence in the room.

"Considering this mansion isn't haunted, who else should it be? Your fingers have no color of their own."

"Your eyesight seems fine, so it's no concussion." Sakura sighed in relief.

"I'm not _that_ pale.", Sai protested pouting.

"Where the hell should I get a concussion from?" I tried to raise, but staggered and fell back to... the couch?

"Slowly, slowly, Sasuke-kun! You shouldn't stand up yet. Rest a bit. You lost conscience in the midst of a fight with Naruto. He told me that you received one or two kicks on the head, so I thought..."

"Tse, as if this loser could land a proper hit at me." I snorted scornfully.

To be honest, Naruto one or two times really caught me off guard during the fight, but my counter reaction had been fast enough to avoid any grave damage. It maybe would hurt a bit should I laugh, but I didn't intend to laugh at all.

"Your whole system broke down, Sasuke-kun. If Naruto hadn't been so clever to perform CPR at you while Sai alerted me, god only knows what would have happened."

"CPR? … Wait. He..he actually had _his_ lips on _mine_?"

And I was _unconscious_ all the time! Damn it!

I drew a face as if the thought alone would make me vomit. I had to keep up my image after all.

"Don't worry, Sasuke-kun, I took a photo as proof and already posted it on the University's homepage." Sai smiled contently, holding up his smart-phone and my wish to kill him took on a dramatic scale.

"You did... WHAT?" My growling voice caused even _me_ to shudder.

"Sai-kun, how _could_ you?" Sakura looked shocked. "I thought of you as a decent guy."

"NOOOOO! I'll be _ruined_! Sai, say that this isn't true, pleeeaaaaase!" Naruto seemed to be even more upset about the situation than me. He came out of nowhere, hugged the creep at his hips and almost cried. Sai looked at him as if he was a birthday present.

I showed an ice-cold face.

"Well, that's perfect. Keep it up. My lawyers will sue the hell out of you, Sai- _kun._ "

Naruto stopped his whining act and stared with big eyes at me. About time he let go of that freak.

Was that a sparkle of hope in his eyes or did he just feel uncomfortable? Maybe it was both.

"Ahahahaha, got you all! It was just a little joke." Sai smiled falsely. "I'd never dare to do such an _outrageous_ thing."

"Let me browse the site.", I demanded.

"You mistrust my words?" He frowned.

"Of course." I held out my hand.

"Oh my, you from the island are really some wary people with no sense of humor." Sai handed over his smart-phone with a pout and an offended expression on his face. I couldn't care less about that creep's feelings. But I was relieved to see that there was no photo anywhere, neither on the site nor on his phone. Though...

I searched for 'kiss' and found said photo stored at another place than his gallery. That sneak bastard! I erased it.

Too bad I couldn't send the photo to my account first, but I couldn't risk him taking notice of that action.

"Oh." The freak looked over my shoulder and played dumb again. "Must have been kind of an automatic copy I wasn't aware of. So sorry." He snickered and I just could have killed him, if it wasn't for feeling so damn weak at the moment.

"The hell did you give me, Sakura-chan?" I put down the phone and held my head. Everything seemed so shaky around me.

"Just a bit of adrenaline to give your system a little push." She felt for my pulse and made a sorrowful face. "We almost lost you, are you aware of that, Sasuke-kun?"

I growled and pulled my hand away. Why did she pamper me like that? I wasn't a little baby.

"I didn't see any white light." I stated dryly. "So it's safe to say you're exaggerating, Sakura-chan. Thank you for your help, but you should go now. I'm okay."

"She stays!" Of course the idiot was intervening. Naruto angrily looked at me, his blue eyes stared me down mercilessly. I never have met anyone who could rival his determined look. He meant it.

"Whatever.", I mumbled and looked aside. "I don't care."

"Your system collapsed, that's a fact. There must be a reason. If the cause wasn't a hit on the head, what else could.. it...?" Sakura stared at me. "Y..you wouldn't...?"

I looked away.

"Sasuke, it couldn't be because of the medicine I gave you this morning, could it?"

"What medicine?", Naruto asked, his eyes as big as dishes.

"Not now, Sakura.", I replied.

"Yes, NOW! Look at me, Sasuke-kun! Did you take more than one a day? I told you not to do that. How many did you take?"

"Not so many.", I muttered.

"WHAT MEDICINE, TEME?", Naruto yelled,

Sakura watched me closely. I didn't move a muscle, but it seemed she understood.

"Naruto, Sai, leave us alone for a moment, please. I need to examine Sasuke-kun."

"But..."

"You go. NOW!" She turned around angrily. Naruto backed off like he always did when Sakura threatened him, Sai, however hadn't such respect.

"Oooh, but wouldn't that mean, you'd be alone with a half-naked man in a room, Sakura-chan?", he threw in. "Or maybe even naked?" He got an excited expression on his face. "If I'm allowed to draw that, we could call it an art project, but everything else would make you just a usual slut."

Sakura grew red.

" _What_ did you call me?" She stood up and clenched her fist.

"P..please, calm down, Sakura-chan!", Naruto stuttered. "He doesn't know what he's talking, he's from abroad."

Sakura snorted and reluctantly unclenched her fist.

"Whatever, he should watch his mouth."

"I'm sorry if I said anything inappropriate." Sai bowed lightly. "But it doesn't change the fact that you can't be left alone here in a room with a man."

"You forget that I'm studying medicine and I have seen more naked men on the table than you'll ever see in your life."

"But they were all dead and this one is.. uhm, _alive_." Sai smiled politely. "Someone should stay here as a chaperone. Just to be sure no inconvenient rumors make the round." He smirked, which left no doubt in me _who_ 'd spread said rumors.

"Yeah, right!", Naruto shouted. "We _all_ stay here." He nodded and crossed his arms.

Great! Just what I didn't need at all.

"Since when are you so adept at human decencies?", I asked. "Last time we spoke about it you had the manners of a troll."

"Sasuke!", Naruto yelled embarrassed. "Don't offend him, teme! He's got more manners than _you_."

"Ahaha, no, Naru-chan, he may be partly right."

Eh? _Naru-chan_? I frowned internally.

"Since we were very _open-minded_ in the monastery, I probably didn't know anything about decencies..." Sai continued "...but I read a book about it after our last encounter and now I know." He smiled happily at Naruto. "It says it's okay to meet in a room alone when you're of the same gender or when someone else of great dignity is around, but it's indecent to be alone with someone of another gender except it's your spouse or someone from your family. Even the police has to follow that rule."

Could it be the freak really had learned about decency?

"Ohh, Sai, you got that all from a book?" Naruto widened his eyes in admiration. "I never knew you can get that kind of stuff out of a book."

"There are many things you can learn from a book. How to behave, how to draw, how to make love in different poses, how to enlarge your..."

And there he was again, our good old creep.

"STOP!", Naruto shouted with a red-hot face. He peeked over to Sakura who already clenched her fist again.

"There are things you shouldn't speak about while a lady's in the room." Naruto sweated.

"Damn right.", Sakura hissed.

"There's a lady? Where?" Sai looked around and the bafflement on his face was genuine.

"That's _enough_!" Sakura exploded. "If you think it would be _indecent_ for me to be alone with Sasuke-kun in a room, _fine!_ But I'll be damned, if I'd allow you to cause me break my Hippocratic oath..."

"But you haven't even concluded all your studies...", Sai objected.

"YOU TWO go over to the kitchen, NOW!" Sakura's face showed an anger which was hard to top. Naruto shook with terror. "C..come over, Sai. We'd better do as she says."

"But..."

"Just come with me, okay?" Naruto grabbed Sai's arm and dragged him towards the kitchen.

"How are we supposed to listen what they say, when we're standing so far away?", I heard Sai complaining.

"That's the point of it, don't you see? We shouldn't hear what they say.", Naruto whispered back.

"But where's the fun in that?"

"Shhh, be quiet, Sai! And for once in your life just try to be discreet." Naruto had a desperate expression in his face. "Just do it for me, okay?"

"Gladly." Sai smiled happily. "I'd do anything for you, Naruto." He took his hand and pressed it.

I think my blood pressure just raised a triple fold, but I couldn't do shit about it right now.

"So, how many did you take, Sasuke-kun?", Sakura asked me quietly. "And please be honest, it's important for your health. I won't scold you, I promise."

"Six or twelve, I don't remember."

"TWELVE?!", she shouted with wide opened eyes.

So much for discreetness.

"Are you out of your mind? Do you know what it could have caused you if I gave you the real thing?"

And so much for not scolding me... wait, _what_ did she just say?

"What do you mean, _'the real thing'?_ " I knit my brows. "Didn't you give me the real thing?"

"Ahaha, Sasuke-kun, I'd never give you real stimulants. Which kind of doctor would I become if I did such a thing? That would be irresponsible."

I tried not to explode.

"What did you give me then?", I said with a calm voice implying that I was going to kill everyone in my path within mere seconds. I saw that the dobe and the freak strained their ears to get as much of the content as possible. So much for privacy and Hippocratic oath.

"Oh, I..I...", she blushed. "It was something absolutely harmless."

"If it was so _absolutely harmless_ , why did it cause my breakdown and bring me on the edge of death?"

"Well, _everything's_ dangerous if binge eaten, even such a common thing as salt.", she defended herself.

"I didn't binge eat anything."

"Twelve pills instead of one, how would you call that?"

"Your pills didn't help me one bit to stay awake. No wonder, considering they all were placebos."

"They weren't placebos." She pouted.

"So what the hell did you give me then?"

Sakura-chan looked down a bit flushing. My inner bells started ringing.

"Sakura-chan? Answer me!"

"Nothing dangerous, really." Sakura tried to avoid eye contact.

"Sakura-chan!"

"Oral contraceptive.", she mumbled ashamed.

"Oral con... you gave me _birth control pills_?" I asked a bit too loud in my bewilderment.

Sai laughed. "Will he grow tits now?"

"Eh? What?" Naruto seemed clueless. "What's this all about?"

"Shut up you two!" Sakura angrily turned around. "Didn't I tell you not to listen?"

"No, actually you just said 'go to the kitchen'. That's all." Sai smiled. "So glad I still was able to catch up your conversation."

"Shut up, Sai! She's really, really angry, I can feel it." Naruto trembled.

"And I've got all reason to feel so! You two..." She halted and searched for the right words, a vein swelling up on her broad forehead.

"Oh, it's fine, it's fine.", I said sarcastically. "Now that all the world knows about my medical condition I can as well share the consequences too. Well, at least I can be sure now that the dobe won't impregnate me by accident. Thank you, Sakura-chan, I'm relieved."

"S..Sasuke-kun!" Sakura looked in shock at me, her face getting the color of an overripe tomato.

"EEEEEH, _what_ did you just say?" Naruto stared at me. I think there was something like terror in his eyes.

"Not that it would happen this way round anyway.", I stated condescendingly.

"TEME! Take that back!" Naruto stormed towards me, rolling up his sleeves and exposing a fine pair of muscles.

"What? You want to top? You'll have to _earn_ that first."

"I'll show you who's on top here!", Naruto shouted.

"May I paint that struggle?"

"SAI!" We all turned and shouted angrily at the same moment. Not that it would have impressed that weirdo.

"What? Did I hurt any social rules again? But I _asked_ this time." The freak looked honestly clueless. "Goodness, manners are so complicated around here." He shook his head and turned to the kitchen. "I'll better go cook something, that's easier."

"Best put yourself into the pot too once you're at it." I advised.

"Verrrrry funny, Sasuke-kun. I thought you had no sense of humor." Sai replied.

"That's right, I haven't."

"Teme, stop insulting Sai! He's _cooking_ for us today _"_

No, he's cooking for _you,_ Naruto, not for _us,_ I thought.

"Putting water in a pot and let it boil, wouldn't call that cooking.", I muttered instead.

"What? He's preparing _Ramen_?" Naruto's eyes sparkled.

Dang, he didn't know? Why couldn't I just have kept my trap shut?

"The more a reason not to insult him, bastard!", Naruto cried and angrily shook his fist towards me.

"Ramen, I'm coming!" He turned and rushed to the kitchen, not wasting another thought about me. "Can I help you, Sai?"

Of course, that dobe always thought with his belly first...

"Well, it seems everything's fine now." Sakura sighed in relief and raised.

I tried to get up too.

"Hey, what's that supposed to mean?" She frowned.

"Just looking that they won't destroy my kitchen.", I mumbled and tried to make a step forward.

Damn, I still was so weak that Sakura easily managed to push me back on the sofa.

"No way! _You'll_ get some sleep now." She fumbled her medical practitioner's case while holding me down prone on the couch by her own body weight.

Yeah, right, she sat on my back as if I was a part of the damn couch.

"Let go, Sakura-chan.", I growled. "I still have to proceed with the project."

"Sakura-chan says, the project's over for good."

"It's not up to _you_ to... ouch!" I felt a stitch in my back. I managed to look around.

"Wh... you put a syringe in my..?"

"If you don't want to listen, find out the hard way." She nodded to underline her statement, holding the syringe up in triumph like a shootist his gun after a heavy duel.

I could have ripped off that virtuous expression of her face, but before I could move a finger or even reply, everything started to blur before my eyes.

"Wha..."

I wasn't able to complete my question, I got ridiculously sleepy. My eyelids became heavy like weights and my mouth refused to obey me. It simply wavered into directions I couldn't follow anymore, producing mutilated sounds which made no sense.

And then, all of a sudden everything grew dark around me.


	10. Chapter 10

I opened my eyes. It was already dark and I lay on my... bed? How the hell did I get here? Did the dobe and the freak bring me to the bedroom? Last thing I remembered was Sakura-chan putting a syringe in my butt. That vixen! The man who'd ever marry her was to pity.

I heard a stifled noise coming from the direction of Naruto's bed, a kind of suppressed laughter. Was he watching me?

I peeked over.

My eyes were sharp even at night, a natural given to all Uchihas. So for once in my life I was glad to belong to that bloodline.

I noticed a big lump under Naruto's blanket, like last time when he pretended to sleep and not hear me. But something was wrong with it. It was way too big to contain just one person. Either he grew fat after eating too much Ramen or...

"Don't." Giggling. "He'll hear us."

WHAT?

All of a sudden I was completely awake. Where was this creep, _Sai_? I couldn't spot anything where his tatami mat was supposed to be. Damn, why was it suddenly so pit dark in here as if there was no light at all? Even Uchiha eyes stood no chance against the absolute absence of light.

"No, no, it's fine. He's fast asleep.", I heard a whisper. That voice was definitely _the creep's_. "Sakura-chan gave him a dose high enough to sedate a horse." He snickered. "I'm starting to like her rough style."

"Hey! She's _my_ girl.", I heard Naruto's hoarse voice protesting.

"Oh, so girls here express their liking by intimidating and beating you up badly all the time?"

"Now that's mean, Sai. Sakura-chan just needs a while to... recognize my greatness. Once she's realized it, she'll completely fall in love with me."

"Oh, I don't hope so, Naruto. I want you to be happy."

"What are you talking? Sakura-chan's a nice girl. She helps everyone, is super smart and beautiful too."

"How can she be beautiful without having any boobs?"

"SAI! Don't say that, it's rude."

"Why? She isn't around to hear me."

"Anyway...", Naruto insisted.

"But it's true."

"No it's not, she's got some, I can assure you."

"Do you have proof, I mean did you see her naked?"

"Uhm... can't we talk about something else?" I formally could see Naruto blushing.

Of course he had a peek at Sakura-chan every time possible. I know that because I didn't let him out of my eyes at such times. It was dangerous to leave that idiot alone. He had a natural talent to stumble into calamities.

But why the heck was the lump on his bed so big? Was Sai under the blanket too? If that was the case... I had to kill them both.

My eyes started to burn already because I strained them too much, but I couldn't make out anything clear, just the lump.

"Of course, Naruto, we can change the subject and talk about the size of your..."

"Not _that_ again! I told you it was still cold, they always get smaller when it's cold."

The size of his... _what_?

"Ahahaha, that's what _you_ say, but look at mine."

"I don't want to look at yours." Naruto sounded stubborn.

Right, don't look at it! Throw him out, Naruto!

"Just a peek." This damn freak didn't give up.

No, no,no!

"You can have a peek at _mine_ first.", Naruto replied. "Look, now that it's warmed up, it's much bigger."

Naruto, what are you doing, you moron?

"Oh really. That's true, it's a wee bit bigger, but it can't beat my natural size."

"You're all talk."

"Just look."

NO, don't!

Why wasn't I able to I move? Dammit!

"Oh my god, it's _really_ big!"

"See? I'm always telling the truth."

"That's totally unfair, Sai! Why is yours so much bigger than mine?"

"Ahahaha, just lucky, I guess... don't be sad, I'll share it with you."

 _Share?_

"Really? You'd do that?"

Why did Naruto's voice sound so excited all of a sudden? Wasn't he supposed to be a homophobe? Run away, you idiot, run!

"You want to lick it?", Sai asked,

My hair stood on end. This pervert! I wanted to shout and scream, but nothing came out of my mouth. Sakura-chan must have given me the dose for an elephant.

"Naw, if Sasuke wakes up and sees..."

"Don't worry about that. He's fast asleep, so he won't see anything and I definitely won't tell him. We can keep it a secret between us both."

No, I'm _awake_ , I'm awake and I know everything. Don't touch him you freak!

"I don't know..." Naruto still hesitated.

"Just come a bit closer, Naruto."

Cold sweat appeared on my forehead. It felt like being caught in a nightmare.

I could hear and see but do nothing. I was paralyzed.

"That's fine. Now open your mouth. I'll help you."

NONONONONO! I had to do something. It couldn't end like this. Naruto was _mine_. MINE!

Nobody was allowed to touch him except ME! I had to move, I just had to...

"ARRGHH!" I fell from the couch with a heavy bump. It hurt. Now I was _really_ awake.

"AAH, Sasuke!" That was definitely Naruto's voice beside me.

I shook my head, still feeling dizzy. I was pretty sure this wasn't the bedroom though. I opened my eyes a bit and spotted the couch table in front of me. Apparently I still was in the living room. So it all had been a bad dream. Thank god! But I didn't remain grateful for long.

I blinked and stared at a scene so horrible that I utterly wished myself back to the dream again.

The idiot sat on the right side of the table and the freak vis-à-vis. Both had a bowl of Ramen standing in front of them on my expensive designer couch table. The freak was in a standing position, well, kind of. To be exact, he bent over the couch table trying to put a sausage in Naruto's mouth. And I mean it literally, a real sausage caught between two chopsticks.

That bastard tried to _feed_ him. _My_ Naruto. With a sausage. Rightly before my eyes.

Well, my closed eyes maybe, but anyway...

"What's that supposed to mean?" I growled and hit on the couch table that the two fine wood parts made a 90 degree turn. The bowls jumped up, crossed and turned in the air. All the contains splattered over Naruto while the white freak managed to dodge it at the last second.

"AAH, you bastard!", the dobe cried and jumped up, covered all over with soup. "You've ruined it!"

"What's there to ruin?" I also raised, surprisingly without staggering. Seemed that the amount of adrenaline in my blood worked wonders on me. "It's just one of your cheap, worn out jump suits."

"Not the jump suit, my Ramen! The Ramen Sai and I cooked so diligently. All the work was completely in vain!" He gazed at the chaos around him. "And it's all _your_ fault, TEME!"

"So what? Do you expect me to apologize? You know the rules. No eating at my couch table, no bad manners while eating. And where's _my_ bowl anyway? I'm hungry."

"You're hungry?" Naruto glared at me, still dripping from soup.

"Sure."

"You're _really_ hungry?" His eyes shot flashes of red towards me

"Hn."

"Then eat _this_!" Naruto swung a punch at me, but my reflexes were faster. I dodged it and the punch hit Sai, who stood right behind me.

"OOF!", he gave off and fell on his back.

"You bastard!", Naruto shouted angrily at me. "Why did you dodge it?"

"Do you really expect me to answer that?"

"Damn it! Sai are you okay? I'm so sorry." The idiot bent over the pale freak and helped him up.

"Ah, it's alright, I'm fine, I'm fine." Sai held his cheek which already started to swell. "That's nothing, really. Don't worry, Naruto."

"It's _not_ nothing, you're hurt. We have to patch that up before it gets worse." Naruto turned towards me angrily and yelled. "You're such a brute! Look at what you've done to him!" He pulled at the freak's cheek to show me better while Sai turned his eyeballs out and tried desperately to suppress his newly caused pain.

"Why me?", I replied unfazed. "It was _your_ fist hitting his face, wasn't it?"

And I never enjoyed something more than watching that all.

"But it was _you_ who dodged it!", Naruto cried.

"Did you really think I'd stand still so your fist could easily make contact with my chin?" My eyes widened in disbelief. Even the idiot couldn't be so stupid to assume...

"Hell, yes!", he shouted.

"Usuratonkachi." There really was no other word to describe that simpleton.

" _What_ did you call me?" Naruto puffed up his whole body and prepared to jump me again.

"Uuuh, Naruto, could you please...?", Sai whimpered and pointed at his cheek the dobe still had in his grip and was pulling at the more he got angered by me. This surely was very painful. I looked down to cover my content smirk.

"Oh, sorry, sorry, Sai! I totally forgot." The dobe let go of the freak's cheek and drew a pitiful face. He tried to comfort Sai by patting his cheek, but apparently made it worse than before. He really was such an idiot.

"That's all _your_ fault, teme!", he yelled at me infuriated.

"Just because you're repeating it over and over again doesn't make it in any way true, moron."

"You're just an asshole, _that's_ true."

"Sure, just resort to insults when you're running out of arguments. That's exactly the way you always try to get out of everything."

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?"

"Isn't it quite obvious?"

"Why don't you explain it to me?" Naruto's tone became dangerously low.

"There's not enough time in the whole galaxy to explain you everything you fail to understand, dobe."

"You arrogant ass!" Naruto swung an other punch at me but hit nothing than thin air. "Stand still, dammit! Take it like a _man_."

"You mean like an _idiot_." I stepped back a bit. "That's what I'd be if I wouldn't dodge."

"You're just a coward, that's what you are!" Naruto's face grew red out of anger. Such a lovely sight. I like it when his face looks like an exploding tea pot. Makes him look kind of helpless.

"That's called tactic not cowardice, idiot. You surely never heard of it before."

" _You_ surely will look like a burger once I'll manage to hit you. You can't escape all of my punches, dattebayo!"

"Wanna bet?"

"AAAARGH!" With a loud battle-cry Naruto jumped at me, but I dodged him easily and he landed prone on the floor.

"OUCH! OW, OW, OW!"

"Usuratonkachi." I muttered. I was a bit concerned though. "Will you never learn how to land?"

I admit it, I'm very bad at expressing my true feelings.

"Naruto! Are you hurt?" The pale pest scurried at his side and helped him up.

"No, I'm fine." Naruto drew a painful face but tried to laugh it away. What a moron.

He put his hand on his belly and kneaded it a bit. "Fortunately, I'm hard to kill."

"I didn't even try.", I responded clinically.

Naruto shot an offended look at me.

"Let's go to the bathroom and patch up our bruises, Naruto.", Sai suggested. "Don't pay so much attention to Sasuke-kun's rude behavior. His blood is probably still full of drugs after all. So his sanity is to judge like that of a junkie." The creep smiled broadly. He just did that to provoke me, that bastard.

"Better than being a bloodless bitch, like you.", I countered.

"Ahahaha, as I assumed, Sasuke-kun's still under drugs, He's even more rude than normally. Just let's go, Naruto-kun. It's not worth getting upset about him. But I really should have a look at your stomach." Sai fumbled Naruto's clothes.

"My stomach's fine." Naruto grumbled and repelled the creep's hands. "It's just empty, that's all."

"Don't worry, Naruto, I still have some Ramen left in the kitchen. We can eat it afterward."

"Really?" The idiot's face lightened up as if Christmas was coming early this year. Astounding how fast his mood could turn a 180 by the mere mention of Ramen. He was such a foolish addict.

"Do you also have one of those big sausages left?" Naruto almost drooled.

"Oh yes, I'll always have a big sausage stored for you."

"I bet.", I threw in dryly.

"YOU..." The blond idiot turned to me angrily, but Sai held him back.

"It even will suffice to satisfy Sasuke-kun's needs, if he insists." He smiled eerily.

"Don't push your luck, creep."

"What? I just offered to share." Sai faked an innocent face.

"I'm not interested in sharing _anything_ with you, zombie-boy."

"More for us then, I guess. Come on, Naruto!" Sai dragged him away and the dobe just let him.

"Yeah, right, more for us, teme." The idiot turned and stuck out his tongue at me.

"Tse, as if you weren't fat enough by now."

" _What_ did you say?" Naruto fumed. Good.

"Just ignore him, Naru-chan, think about the she-dragon nearby. She'll probably smash you to a pulp, should she get to know you're fighting with Sasuke-kun in his condition. And the walls aren't that solid that she wouldn't hear your struggle."

"Ah, right, Sakura-chan!" Naruto flinched and widened his sky blue eyes as if he totally had forgotten about her. "Ah, in that case, I'll just overlook your rudeness, teme. You're kind of retarded anyway." He grinned as if he had won our little battle now.

"The only one retarded around here is _you._ ", I snarled.

"Ahahaha, see? He has to be drugged since he's even insulting such a smart guy like you."

"...and zombie-boy, but that goes for itsself.", I added.

"Let's skip the bathroom and eat first.", Naruto growled. "I can't stand this bastard's attitude with an empty stomach anymore."

"Your wish is my command, Naru-chan." Sai snickered and clapped Naruto on his back.

They entered the kitchen and were out of my sight. My mood was darkening like a night of the new moon. I was thinking hard about how I could follow them without being obvious in my intentions.

"Where are the sausages?" I heard Naruto asking excitedly.

"Still in the fridge, would you be so kind to fetch them?"

"Sure."

I noticed the clapping of the refrigerator door.

"Ah, the big one looks so tasty."

"Wait how tasty it'll be once hot and in your mouth." Sai giggled.

My wish to kill him instantly took on a critical scale. I stared at the mess in front of me. It needed to be cleaned up which was a good excuse for me to go to the kitchen.

I raised and entered the door.

"What do _you_ want in here?", Naruto greeted me harshly. "I thought you didn't want any?"

He positioned himself protectively in front of the pot.

"I've indeed got no interest in your prolonged water dish. But _someone_ has to clean up our living room. You put up quite a mess there."

" _I_ put up a mess? Teme, it was _you_ who caused it!"

"Not consequently. First of all, you broke the rules and caught me off-guard, that's why I reacted like this. You provoked me into this course of action. So _you'll_ make the cleaning."

"No way in hell!", Naruto spat out. "It was _your_ fist breaking your precious table and causing our poor Ramen to splatter everything, so clean it up yourself, teme!" He built himself up in front of me.

"Tch, as if. And speaking of the table... you'll have to pay me the repair costs."

"WHAT? Are you out of your mind? You crushed it yourself."

"Whatever, you caused it."

"You'll get no penny from me, teme! Just sue me." Naruto crossed his arms and made a stubborn face.

"That would be like throwing good money after bad." I stated dryly.

"That's right! ...err, I mean... what exactly do you mean by that?" He looked warily at me.

"It means a beggar may sing before a pick-pocket."

Naruto widened his eyes in offense. He gasped for air or maybe tried to counter something, but I never came to know.

"What, you're a pick-pocket, Sasuke-kun?", the white pest interfered.

Naruto's mood changed instantaneously from offended to hilarious.

"Bwahahaha! That's what you get for insulting me, teme." The dobe laughed his ass off and pointed his finger at me. "Pick-pocket, that's right, you're always trying to get out even the last drop of my blood."

I gave both guys an ice-cold look.

"The only pick-pockets around here are you two. Zombie-boy's stealing my space and you're an annoying freeloader 24/7."

"I'm _not_ a freeloader! Take that back, bastard!"

"I won't take back the truth. Now do the cleaning at least, moron." I grabbed the mop from the corner and threw it at Naruto.

"No way!" He threw it back at me and it fell down.

"Tch!" I took up the mop from the floor and pushed it in Naruto's stomach.

"OOOF!" The dobe's eyes almost popped out in surprise, his cheeks blew up and he furled like a jack knife. Since this was very entertaining, I gave him a few more pushes.

"Stop it, teme!" The idiot grabbed the mop on its end and tried to push it back at me. "You meanie! Stop thrusting that thing in my stomach!"

"You better take it or I'll thrust it somewhere else, usuratonkachi."

"So you're a pick-pocket _and_ a homo, Sasuke-kun?", Sai asked with wide opened eyes.

"Shut up, freak or I'll give you a _taste_ of homo!"

"Ohoho, Sasuke-kun, how bold of you!" The freak snickered and waved his hand in a nellie way. "You sure I'm not too much to handle for you? You've just got _one_ penis after all."

That was it. I lost control and swung the mop full power at Sai.

Unfortunately he dodged and the mop hit the pot on the stove. I watched it, everything seemed to move in slow motion at that moment, but I couldn't do anything to prevent it. The pot fell down with a loud crash and all the soup spread over the floor.

"MY RAMEN!" Naruto cried upset. "OH NO! NONONONONO!" He knelt down and tried desperately to shove the mess together.

"Naruto...", I started. "...don't..."

"Shut the hell up, asshole!" Narutos voice was dark and growling. He stared angrily at me.

"That's it! Now you've _really_ ruined it all. Are you happy?"

I exhaled and looked aside.

"I didn't intend to..."

"Whatever, keep it for yourself!"

Naruto raised and left the kitchen, bumping my shoulder.

"Where are you going, dobe?"

"Somewhere where I don't have to see your ugly face."

The entrance door slammed with a loud noise.

I looked at the chaos in the kitchen. Suddenly I felt empty and awfully tired.

"Where did Naruto go, Sasuke-kun?"

Of course the freak was still here. My, was I lucky.

"You heard him."

"Yes, but what does it mean?"

"How should I know?" My tone was slightly annoyed. "To be honest I don't care where he's going. All I care about is that the mess in this house has to be cleaned up." I fixated Sai.

"Oh, haha, I totally forgot about my night class." He tried to escape.

"Not so fast, Sai- _kun_." I gripped him by his shirt and drew him close to me. He flinched.

"Uh, I feel flattered, but I have to refuse, Sasuke-kun. Even if you're kind of interesting."

"What are you blabbering, freak?" I frowned.

"You... don't want to confess?" He showed an uncertain face.

"Confess what?"

"To me. I mean, you're obviously a homo and I'm really attractive, so it's no wonder you feel..."

I narrowed my eyes.

"Are you totally losing it now? I know you're lacking some marbles in there, but me and you... I'd rather sleep with _the dobe_ than you!"

"I can vividly imagine that." The creep smiled insolently.

I snorted and clenched his shirt tighter.

"And I can imagine you taking that mop now and cleaning up the mess in this apartment."

"But my class..." The freak wriggled.

"...can wait. First you do the cleaning."

"Or else?" He tried to put up a sort of resistance.

I smirked ominously.

"I'll ambush you when you least expect it and throw you into the girl's room while Sakura-chan and Ino-chan are in it."

Sai lost the last remains of color if he ever had some.

"I guess I can spare a few minutes." He gulped and smiled helplessly.

"I thought so."


End file.
